It's Always The Quiet Ones
by Roslyn Grey
Summary: Confessions of a sex-obsessed, small town girl, just looking to find herself in a world where curvy brunettes don't belong, and masturbation is frowned upon. Drabble fic. Cannon AH slightly OOC
1. Chapter 1

**This just randomly came to me one day. My mind is a strange place to live in. It's different from anything I've done before. It will be offensive and perverted. Probably not much sustenance. Some, but not much. A bit of angst here and there.**

**I'm going to TRY, key word TRY, to update this every day. This will be rather lengthy, but chapters will be short.**

**So if your parents still supply your porn stash, your more than likely not old enough to read this.**

**I own nothing but a dirty mind.**

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><p>Part One: Confessions of a Virgin<p>

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><p>CHAPTER 1<p>

I once read that men think about sex every six seconds.

I guess I was born genetically wrong, because I _too_ think about sex every six seconds.

Considering I've never actually had sex, the fact that I'm almost _always_ thinking about something sexually is a little baffling.

I'm a seventeen year old virgin who has lived with my single father my entire life.

So why is sex always on my brain?

Oh yes, because of you, Mr. Adonis with the green eyes.

I've known you practically my entire life.

And I don't think we've even had one conversation.

In fact, I think you don't even realize I exist.

Which is sad, because our graduating class will only be about 60 kids.

Angela thinks I'm crazy for my little obsession.

With you. Not sex.

She's just as sex-sessed as I am.

My partner in crime. We spend our weekends driving to Seattle to look at porn and toys.

You just can't get them anywhere near Forks, which is a shame.

Then again, because my dad is the chief of police, and she's the minister's daughter, maybe it's for the best.

Word travel fast around these parts.

I could just imagine all the shocked faces.

Whispered voices.

Gossiping old ladies.

So what? We like to watch porn and masturbate.

On the outside, we may not look like those things interest us.

But they do.

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><p><strong>Thoughts? Let me know if you want to actually read this, or if it's just terrible and I should delete it...<strong>

**RG**


	2. Chapter 2

**I own nothing.**

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><p>Part One: Confessions of a Virgin<p>

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><p>Chapter 2<p>

Ang and I are sitting in our corner in the cafeteria.

I can see you from where I sit.

Drinking your daily strawberry soda.

I often wonder if you taste as sweet as the same sugary soda you favor...

I read that if a man eats mass amounts of pineapple his jizz will taste better…

I wonder if your soda makes _your_ jizz taste just as sweet….

I bet it's delicious.

You bring the bottle up to your lips and take a long pull.

I clench my thighs and push my glasses up my nose.

You lick your lips and smile your panty dropping trademark smile.

…_and just like that you ruin my panties_…. for the third time this week.

Sighing I shake my head and focus on my best friend who looks along in a knowing smile.

"Shut up bitch." I mumble, grin taking over my face.

**~*.confessions.*~**

I'm sitting in my boring as hell French class wondering if anyone knows….

That I'm thinking about sex right now.

That I'm almost always thinking about it.

I bet they all think that someone like me, would never think about sex.

I sit in the middle of the class, hiding behind the thick frame of my glasses and over sized sweater.

I hide. I'm good at it.

But do they wonder who's behind the glasses?

Would they see a pretty girl?

Would they see that I hide my figure under my clothes?

That I'm not actually fat like they think?

Does anybody ever wonder who I really am?

I think not, and at this point I really don't give a fuck.

Behind my sweater and glasses I'm safe.

I wish someone would see me for who I am under all this.

I wish you would.

At this point I think if I were to change everything.

Dress in normal girl clothes.

Put on makeup.

Wear my contacts.

That people would only see that girl, and that's not what I want.

My mother wasn't around to teach me that curves, and breasts, and a round ass could be beautiful.

That women long for those things, and they should be celebrated.

Not hidden.

But I hide, because I've only ever been around my dad, who would rather be oblivious to those things.

Or Angela, who is forced to hide those things.

So I sit and wonder.


	3. Chapter 3

**I own nothing.**

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><p>Part One : Confessions of a Virgin<p>

* * *

><p>Chapter 3<p>

After school I head over to my only other friend in this god forsaken place.

_Jacob._

I miss him when he's not around.

His smile.

His laugh.

The easiness in which I can be myself.

I can wear a tank top that actually fits, and smile, and laugh, and talk about cars around him.

I can just be me. No expectations.

He doesn't look at me like I'm something to eat, or the freak the people of Forks see.

He just sees Bella, _his best friend_.

He smiles at me, and tells me how beautiful I am.

Then tells me to make myself useful and toss him a wrench.

I laugh, and toss him his damn wrench.

We talk.

About him.

His life.

School.

College.

Boys.

Movies.

My life.

I wish it was _this_ easy with everyone.

This effortless.

Most people don't even talk to me, and when they do it's usually to make fun of me.

For something they know nothing of.

But I'm used to it.

Here though, I don't have to be.

I can just be Bella, and I fucking love it.

I wish I had Jake's confidence.

His charisma.

People are drawn to him like a moth to a flame.

He tells me I'm just as special and people are morons for not seeing it.

Because I too am fucking awesome.

I laugh because we both know I will never break out of the shadows I hide behind.

I'm content right now.

Safe and content.


	4. Chapter 4

**Follow me on twitter. Link is on my profile.**

**I own nothing.**

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><p>Part One : Confessions of a Virgin<p>

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><p>Chapter 4<p>

It's Saturday.

Angela and I drive to Seattle to look at colleges.

We also plan to stop at The Newsstand.

They don't sell newspapers.

On the drive up in the christmobile otherwise known as Ang's momma's car, she throws out the gospel cd her mom favors.

She tells me there is this song I absolutely have to hear.

The band is beyond orgasmic she says.

Semi Precious Weapons' That's Kunt plays.

It's different.

I admit.

But I like it.

It suits us.

It makes me want to dance.

And fight.

For myself.

Will I always be scared of who I am?

Because no matter which way you slice it, that is the truth.

I'm scared to be who I was born to be.

Maybe it's not having a mother.

Or an emotionally absent father.

Or even the small town mind frame.

But I'm scared.

And I don't want to be.

I want to wear high heals.

And make up.

I want to make out with a random stranger.

I want to smile that big smile that says a secret joke only I know.

Maybe it's the thought of moving away and on from Forks.

But I know I want different things in college.

~*.confessions.*~

Ang and I look at Washington State.

It's…blah.

We both agree.

It's too familiar.

Too tame.

What our parental's expect of us.

I could just imagine seeing the same people from Forks.

Day in and day out.

It feels suffocating.

Appears my earlier epiphany wasn't so far fetched.

Ang wants to do things differently too.

We want to break free.

Free from the simple minds.

The judgmental people.

And hypocritical views.

So we look at Washington State knowing we won't be attending there in the fall.

Instead, we have dreams of being in the sun.

We're the music is loud.

Like us, because deep down, we're lost souls just waiting to be found.

Dusty records on a forgotten shelf, waiting to be dusted off.

Maybe Texas we agree?

We're not the California beach blonde plastic barbie type.

Or the New York fashon whores.

We want more humble.

More, more, more.

We just want more.


	5. Chapter 5

**I own nothing but my dirty mind.**

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><p>Part One : Confessions of a Virgin<p>

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><p>CHAPTER 5<p>

We make our final stop at The Newsstand before heading back to Forks.

Ang and I walk in and are instantly welcomed by Helen.

She's an awesome old lady with pink hair.

We're all old friends here.

I think she knows that we weren't 18 the first time we started coming here two years ago.

But I think she _sees_.

More than everyone else.

And supports.

Our individuality.

Our hopes.

Ambitions.

It's nice to have someone to encourage us instead of stifling who we were meant to be.

She knows. I know she knows.

**~*.confessions.*~**

I find a film with a man who looks like you.

But at the same time not.

His hair is too light.

Eye's too dark.

Too _blue_.

Probably shorter.

He's more muscular.

And clearly older.

Much, much older.

But it will do.

At least I can take the _not you_ home and imagine it is you.

Will this be the only way I'll ever have you?

I'm starting to believe it is.


	6. Chapter 6

**Slowly but surely the storyline is starting to build up...**

I own nothing but my dirty mind.

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><p>Part One : Confessions of a Virgin<p>

* * *

><p>CHAPTER 6<p>

I see you with _her_.

Opening the passenger seat of your car.

Carrying _her_ bag.

Looking at _her_ like shes your whole world.

What could you possibly see in _her_?

Sure, shes blonde.

Has blue eyes.

Petite figure.

Captain of the cheer leading team.

Rich parents.

_But_ shes a bitch.

Shes mean.

And cruel.

I'd even argue shes a whore.

I'm not saying these things because I'm jealous.

And while I _am_, she _really_ is those things.

I don't understand why people find her 'pretty'.

Shes too thin, it's gross.

Her body reminds me of a twelve year old boy.

Small. No boobs. No ass.

No curves. Nothing. Nada. Zilch.

But then again I guess that's what boys like.

Skinny, blonde, and bimbo.

Clearly it's what you like.

I wonder if when you fuck her it feels like fucking a pile of sticks?

Aren't you afraid one of her ribs will stab you?

I used to look at her and feel fat.

Now I'm starting to see things differently.

I'm thankful I no longer feel the need to be that skinny.


	7. Chapter 7

**You guys are awesome.**

**I own nothing.**

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><p>Part One : Confessions of a Virgin<p>

* * *

><p>CHAPTER 7<p>

Your father comes to school to speak to us about something.

I wouldn't know what.

I was too distracted.

_Fuck me, Dr. Cullen is a DILF._

It's always like this when I see your father.

Ever since I was a little girl, I've had a crush on him.

Hell, the first time I ever touched myself I was thinking about your father.

He was my first crush.

He goes on, and on, and on.

And I still don't hear one word.

I'm too busy imagining all the glory his skillful hands could create.

Ang wipes the drool off of her chin.

And asks me if I think the big hands tale is true?

If it is your father is packin'.

Ang and I giggle like the horny little school girls we are.


	8. Chapter 8

**I own nothing.**

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><p>Part One : Confessions of a Virgin<p>

* * *

><p>CHAPTER 8<p>

When I get home, Charlie is not there yet again.

He's working.

I hardly ever see him anymore.

When I do our conversation consist of a few grunts from him, and 'mhms' and 'yeah okays' from me.

I wish we had a better relationship.

I know he cares in the only way he knows how.

But I need more.

I do my homework and start on my college essay.

Ang and I plan another trip to Seattle this weekend.

This time we're going to mail off our applications.

We have to go so far so word wont get back to the 'rents.

We still haven't told them we plan on moving to Austin.

**~*.confessions.*~**

Laying on my bed my thoughts go back to your father.

Damn.

I resort back to my favorite fantasy.

Your sex god like father.

Me.

And his exam room.

Never fails.

* * *

><p><strong>Would you guys be interested in EPOV?<strong>

**RG**


	9. Chapter 9

**Hello my new readers. I'd love to hear from you.**

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><p>Part One : Confessions of a Virgin<p>

* * *

><p>CHAPTER 9<p>

The school week passes as it normally does.

Same people.

Same insults.

Same shit.

Only this time its not the same.

Because now I know you know I exist.

I never thought I'd wish to go back to the days where you were oblivious to my existing.

But I do.

Lauren Mallory decided it my life wasn't pathetic enough.

She tripped me during lunch.

How original. Cue sarcasm?

Bitched knocked my ass to the ground and her nasty tray of food on top of me.

I was convinced this was a pre conceived plan.

The cafeteria erupts in laughter.

And so do you.

Seriously?

Fuck my life.

**~*.confessions.*~**

By the time school lets out on Friday,

I feel as if it couldn't have arrived soon enough.

Ang and I planned a sleepover 'cause Dad's pulling the overnight shift again.

I kind of don't like being left alone all the time.

Ang brings a lil' southern comfort while I supply the evenings entertainment.

Awhile back I discovered the wonders of Canadian porn….

Seriously, that's some funny shit.

I plan to introduce her to the wonders of it.

Ya know, broaden our horizons or some shit.

We laugh.

And drink.

And drink some more.

And laugh 'till the tears stream down our faces.

I don't know how or when it started.

But we start taking shots every time 'eh' is said,

and thus 'Canadian Bombers' is born.

Who needs anything else when I got bitches like Ang in my life?

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><p><em>No offense was meant to my Canadian readers. Sorry If I offended you.<em>

**Whats your favorite drinking game?**

**RG**


	10. Chapter 10

**I'm happy that people are finding this so relate-able. That's what I was hoping for (:**

**I own nothing but my dirty thoughts.**

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><p>Part One : Confessions of a Virgin<p>

* * *

><p>CHAPTER 10<p>

Saturday brings us to Seattle yet again.

Procuring our future and shit.

More like our freedom, but I digress.

It's all one in the same in my book.

We send off our applications knowing its all becoming a reality now.

I'm ready to leave it all behind.

The teasing.

The pain and torment.

The loneliness.

It hovers like a dark cloud encompassing the sky.

I feel like it's consumed me, which when I look at it now…..

_It has._

I'm not who I was supposed to be.

I'm not happy.

And I want that. I really, really want that.

I wonder at what cost I have to pay to get there though?

I want Charlie in my life…. but I want to put myself first for once.

I deserve it, right?

I hand my application to the mail person, and let the cards fall where they may.

~*.confessions.*~

Ang and I drive around Seattle and discover something marvelous….

Drag queens….

Who knew how awesome they were?

I didn't, but seriously…. I envy the fuck out of them.

The courage they have.

The fearlessness in which they just live…

Live the fucking life they want with no remorse or questions.

What you see is what you get.

Of course, push up bras, sequins, and makeup add to the affect.

But fuck, I want that.

Not the glitter, or over the top makeup, but the fucking no shame attitude.

I laugh along with my new friends

and just like that, I'm sure I'm making the right decision by going after what I want.

Applying to Texas. Instead of Washington like my father expects.

It was a cosmic sign, sparking with intention.

Fuck what everyone else thinks…

The only person that needs to be happy at the end of the day,

_is me._

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><p><strong>The next chapter is really fun, and we're getting to the good stuff. It's slow and steady, but things will be happening. You may or may not always like it, but things have a purpose.<strong>

**RG**


	11. Chapter 11

**Thank you to Southern Fanfiction Review on Facebook for rec'd this on their profile. That made my day.**

**I still own nothing.**

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><p>Part One : Confessions of a Virgin<p>

* * *

><p>CHAPTER 11<p>

Monday comes back with a vengeance

I grin, _well maybe not grin because fuck these people if they think I'm going to grace them with a smile_, and bear it.

Every time someone says or does something that pisses me off, I take a deep breath and remind myself these assholes will be bagging my groceries or picking up dog shit one day.

That makes _me_ feel better.

Much, _much_ better.

I carry my head a little higher.

Walk a little lighter.

Because for once in my life, I know there _is_ hope.

**~*.confessions.*~**

I run, literally run into you today.

I turn the corner at the same time you turn the corner or some shit like that.

Books are scattered, limbs are tangled.

Its the first time I've ever touched you and I feel as if I've been electrocuted.

It feels fucking amazing to my traitorous body.

But I'm on strike.

To you, because you're just like every one of these other assholes.

You may get my panties wetter than an umbrella in a rainstorm, _but I'm on strike_.

I get up off the floor and scowl at you.

Because, I'm pissed. Really, _really_ pissed.

You think its because you knocked me on my ass, but its not.

You've yet again ruined another pair of my panties.

_And I hate you for it._

Because no matter how much my mind wants to despise you, my body has other ideas.

As I said, its a _traitor_.

I scowl at you like you're the devil, pleased you look confused beyond all belief.

I brush off my shoulders and walk away.

That's right, score one Bella, Edward zero.

_What, what_.


	12. Chapter 12

**This and the next chapter are my favorite so far...**

**I own nothing.**

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><p>Part One : Confessions of a Virgin<p>

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><p>CHAPTER 12<p>

Its been a few weeks since the 'hallway tangle incident' as I refer to it in my head.

I've noticed you look at me now.

Like you're trying to figure something out.

I don't like it.

You don't need to figure me out.

I need to let this infatuation with you go.

I convince myself of this each and every day.

But then you go and do something all cute.

Looking all cute.

And all Edward-y.

Which is cute, and panty ruining.

I would know.

And then I forget why I should forget you're all cute.

I guess graduation can't come soon enough.

I have no idea where you plan on going, but I'm welling to wager its _not_ Austin?

I'd probably have to talk to you to find out, but I really don't want to know.

I don't need to know.

So I continue to watch you from afar.

Wishing I could just let you go.

Because I know all I'll ever have, _is you from afar_.

**~*.confessions.*~**

I visit Jake after school.

He's in the shower, so I wait for him in his room.

He walks in naked as the day he was born.

I tilt my head taking in his body.

Someone was generous when they made Jacob Black.

He tall.

Tan.

Toned.

Built.

And HUNG. Fucking HUNG I tell you.

This is the first time I have ever seen a man naked in the flesh before and it makes my girly bits tingle as if someone put ants in my vagina.

I gasp as he notices me for the first time.

He starts talking about the car we're working on.

Our 'Cutlass', or my_ bebe_.

And he's still fucking naked.

I don't hear much he's saying because I'm still staring at his horse cock….

He gets dressed and drags me to the junk yard to look for parts.

Like nothing happened.

Like I didn't just see him in his birthday suit.

Its a blessing, and I file the images he graced me with away for safe keeping.

Definitely going in my spank bank.

I think he'd be proud to know I plan on masturbating to the image of his fuck hot body.

I tell myself this, because we're supposed to share right?

We were taught to share at an early age….

And well, its just plain fucking greedy to keep something like Jacob Black's god like body locked away.

What a fucking waste I tell ya.


	13. Chapter 13

**Remember, Bella is a hormonal teenager, with a vivid imagination. Haven't you ever fantasized about a friend or friend's parent? With that said, this **_will _**be an Bella + Edward fic. So don't worry about them having anything to do with other people... We'll get there. Eventually.**

**I still own nothing.**

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><p>Part One : Confessions of a Virgin<p>

* * *

><p>CHAPTER 13<p>

I run into your mother at the grocery store.

I love momma C.

She's awesome, and you're a lucky son a bitch to have a mother like her.

We chat like old friends.

She asks about my life.

Where I plan on going to school.

But I tell her I'm not sure yet.

Although I am, I don't want word getting back to my dad yet.

I ask her about her life.

I wonder if the reason shes so happy all the time is your father….

He must give it to her real good.

I mean, seriously.

Shes the most pleasant person I've ever met, and that's just not natural.

I'm convinced it's because her and papa C get it on like rabbits in heat.

I rub my thighs together as she talks about her garden.

I smile and nod.

The image I have of your parents fucking, turns me on surprisingly…

Clearly, your dad is fuck hot as fuck hot gets.

And your momma, shes got it going on too.

Fuck, the more she talks, the more I take her in.

The more I imagine.

Does she get to play doctor with your daddy?

Holy shit…..I need to get out of here.

Momma C asks me to get coffee with her this weekend and I agree.

Not only because I need to get the fuck out of here, but because I really do love spending time with your mom.

I high tail it out of the grocery store and rush home.

Only, I don't get home, because I get stuck in traffic….

In fucking Forks!

Traffic jam in Forks…..seriously?

_The world hates me._

So I do what any creative horny young adult would do.

I pull into the woods, and masturbate.

I imagine your parents.

Your dad had you mom bent over his exam table.

And hes just pounding into her from behind.

I cum so fucking hard I can't see.

God, I feel like such a fucking pervert.

So worth it though.

Nothin' wrong with a lil' imagination.


	14. Chapter 14

**Last one for the night.**

**I own nothing.**

* * *

><p>Part One : Confessions of a Virgin<p>

* * *

><p>CHAPTER 14<p>

Ang's parents kidnapped her for some church function, so no Seattle this weekend.

I'm a bit unsure what to do with myself.

I mean, what does a person do in this small town?

I could always prank call my classmates…

And as appealing as that sounds its not as fun without Ang.

So I veto that.

I've already cleaned the house and gone grocery shopping.

My homework for the weekend is finished.

Jake is busy this weekend too.

God, I feel like such a fucking loser.

I need to get out of this house.

Grabbing my keys, I hop in my ancient truck and drive to Port Angeles.

There's got to be something to do there.

**~*.confessions.*~**

I end up sitting in a book shop reading some smutty book and sipping on some trendy tea drink.

Its better than sitting at home, although with the book I chose it would have been better to be at home _while_ reading it.

At least then I could have relieved the tension building up between my thighs.

Groaning, I cross my legs hoping to alleviate some tension.

Sometimes I wish I would think things through.

I turn the page of my book as something hot spills all over me.

_Holy fuck_.

I jump up wiping whatever the fuck it is, but it burns.

Really, r_eally_ fucking burns.

And its all over my sweater.

All over me.

I turn to glare at whatever horrible human being decided I should wear their coffee.

Only to be met with the darkest jade.

The most beautiful Jade.

Familiar jade, only its _not _because I've never been this close.

_Why me?_

Seriously, what the hell did I do to deserve this?

Groaning, a whole different type of groan from a minute earlier, I take off my sweater.

Wipe off your scolding coffee as you stand there and mutter apologies.

I start to see red and tell you what I think of your apologies as your mother turns the corner.

Well, I guess for your sake this is a good thing.

Because no matter what, it's hard to stay mad while Esme is around.


	15. Chapter 15

**I try to reply to all my reviews. If you reviewed in the last day or so, I will get back to you this week. I appreciate each and every single one of them. Let's get this past 100 reviews!**

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><p>Part One : Confessions of a Virgin<p>

* * *

><p>CHAPTER 15<p>

"Bella!" Esme says, noticing me. Giggling as she takes in the scene, "When I asked you to get coffee with me this weekend this wasn't what I had in mind."

"Yeah" I mutter, wiping myself down with my sweater.

This wasn't exactly what I had in mind _either_.

I don't even like drinking coffee, let alone wearing it.

I'm still trying to tame my temper.

Breathe in, breathe out. Do not strangle Sexward. Breathe in, breathe out.

I really don't think your mother would appreciate me strangling you.

"Its great we ran into you Bella, would you like to sit with me?" Esme asks, taking my hand and leading me towards the café before I even have a chance to answer.

"Sure, its always nice seeing you too Esme." I reply with all sincerity. I really do love Momma C.

"Why don't you go look at books or something, honey?" She says to Edward, almost as if on second thought, walking away before he even answers.

"Sure mom." He mumbles, but Esme is already talking.

She asks how I've been again.

How my father is doing.

"Lets just get to what I wanted to talk to you about. I'm looking for volunteers to come into the hospital and spend time with the cancer patients. I know you're busy, this being your senior year, and graduation is just a couple months away, but I'd really love for you to come and help out." She finishes, looking at me like I could possibly say no.

Please, Esme has a way about her where people want to bend over backwards to help out.

She could have asked for my kidney and I think I would have complied.

Plus, thinking about it, maybe helping out other people wont be so bad?

It'd be nice to form some sort of friendship or companionship with someone new.

"Of course Esme, I'd love to help."

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><p><strong>I know your all waiting patiently for some Bella and Edward interaction. I've set the stage, so just wait a little while longer?<strong>

**RG**


	16. Chapter 16

**If you see this rec'd anywhere, will you let me know? I'd like to properly thank them (:**

**I own nothing.**

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><p>Part One : Confessions of a Virgin<p>

* * *

><p>CHAPTER 16<p>

Monday comes around, and as if there was something in the air, I could tell something was wrong.

I kept going about my day waiting for the other shoe to drop.

A leprechaun to jump out at me.

A wild heard of sparkling fairy princess vampires to kidnap me.

Lauren Mallory to start shitting puppies.

Something was amiss.

Or maybe it was just me?

But still, I felt like something was wrong.

And it was bothering the fuck out of me to not know what.

**~*.confessions.*~**

Nothing went wrong at school.

Surprisingly.

In fact, it was almost as perfect of a day a social outcast could have.

No one bothered me.

Said anything.

Tripped me.

Maybe that in itself was what was wrong…..

I did my homework and started on dinner.

I would actually be sitting down and having dinner with Charlie tonight.

Time to break out the chinet, 'cause normally I'd just use a regular paper plate.

I had just finished grilling our steaks when the front door opened and a distraught Jacob barreled in.

_Oh shit._

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><p><strong>Can you guess what's wrong with Jacob? So far one person got it right.<strong>

**RG**


	17. Chapter 17

**Some of you, sort of, got it.**

**Did I warn you that there would be some angst in here? Well, there will be, but I'm not one to dwell on the depressing so it will have my take on angst. I really find things funny when I shouldn't... I'm more of a glass half full **_and fill the other half with tequila _**type person.**

**I own nothing.**

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><p>Part One : Confessions of a Virgin<p>

* * *

><p>CHAPTER 17<p>

Jake's talking so fast and pacing back and fourth its hard to understand what he's saying.

I don't know how to comfort him.

But seeing my best friend cry is practically killing me.

I want to run to him and wrap my arms around him and tell him its gonna be alright.

I don't know if it will be because I still have no idea what's wrong.

Jake is warm and loving like the sun.

You can't help but be happy when you're around him.

His smile could light up Times Square.

And now, _right now_, whoever made him feel this way better run and hide.

I'm already contemplating taking my dad's shotgun out and goin' hunting.

Mother fuckers shouldn't make someone as beautiful as Jake like this.

I run to him and wrap my tiny arms around his large frame.

It would look rather comical to anyone who walked upon this scene.

My arms don't quite go all the way around him.

And he towers over me by more than a foot.

His large frame engulfs mine.

I tell him its alright, and that we'd fix this, or at least I'd fix it by putting a hole through it.

He laughs, but it comes out shaky, and say's I'm my father's daughter.

He thinks I'd end up shooting myself by accident, and then he'd have even more reason to cry.

I ask him what's wrong.

He takes a deep breath and says, "I came out to my father."

I smile sadly.

"Didn't exactly go as I'd hoped."


	18. Chapter 18

**I'd like to point out, that some things in here are offensive. And I'd also like to point out that they are not my own opinions or thoughts.**

**I own nothing.**

* * *

><p>Part One : Confessions of a Virgin<p>

* * *

><p>CHAPTER 18<p>

We hear a throat clear from the door way.

We both turn and look to see my shocked father.

I'm wondering how much Charlie had heard?

I'm nervous about how hes going to react…

Charlie is pretty old fashioned.

Everything is either black or white.

No grey. No middle ground. No color.

I don't want him to say anything that could hurt Jacob any more than he's already hurting.

"You can stay in the spare bedroom as long as you need son." Is all he says before heading towards the dinner table.

Well….._ alrighty then_.

I look at Jake as he shrugs, and we both head towards the dinner table.

"And Bells, maybe we should go to the shooting range before you start shooting people."

Jake snorts, and I shoot him a glare.

"Down kitten." Jake grumbles.

**~*.confessions.*~**

I wake up to shouting.

I've never heard my father this….._colorful_ before.

Never heard him curse the way hes cursing.

Its terrifying.

I finally see why people are so afraid to get pulled over by him.

"No, you listen you son of a bitch. Hes your son!"

I had figured this was about Jake.

I am surprised though that my father is yelling at Billy like this.

They're closer than Charlie Sheen and crack.

"I don't give a fuck what your tribe says, thats your flesh and blood."

"Ain't no boy of my blood a fagot." Billy shouts back.

I hear a gasp from behind me.

God, I want to shoot him in the balls.

I pull him to me. Offering any form of comfort I can.

The world is a harsh place as it is. Jacob shouldn't have to hear his own father speaking about him like this.

"Get the fuck out of my house! You leave that boy alone until you grow some common sense you bastard!"

"Keep the boy for all I care. Queers are not welcomed on tribal land."

"Go fuck yourself." My dad shouts, slamming the door on the back of his best friend.

I'm mildly shocked at my father.

I never would have expected this from him.

He's all that Forks embodies.

Everything I want to run away from.

The people in this town are quick to point the finger.

Quick to pass judgment.

And cast aside any person who deters from the narrow road.

I guess I don't really know my father at all.

But I've never been more proud.


	19. Chapter 19

**Well hello new readers.**

**I own nothing.**

* * *

><p>Part One : Confessions of a Virgin<p>

* * *

><p>CHAPTER 19<p>

After school got out on Monday, I went to meet momma C at the hospital.

She was all smiles, and warm, and endearing, and just momma C.

She gives me a huge hug and leads me into the cancer ward.

She warns me that sometimes this will be heartbreaking.

I tell her I understand, but I'd still love to help out.

We make our way into a room where an older gentleman, who was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer awaits.

He looks miserable.

Just laying there glaring at the ceiling.

Esme greets him warmly, and he softens a little bit.

A little, not much.

She introduces me, and tells Mr. Anderson that I'm going to spend the day with him.

"Bella, honey I'll be back in a little while." She says before taking her leave.

"Take a seat dear, I'm not going to bite." Mr. Anderson says, chuckling at some private joke.

I take the seat beside his bed.

He asks me why I'm here.

What I could possibly benefit from this.

He says, people my age don't tend to care about things like this.

I'm actually offended.

When I tell him this, he laughs.

What have I gotten myself into?

**~*.confessions.*~**

Esme returns about an hour later.

"I've brought you guys a snack. They're homemade" She says, handing us a cookie each.

"Oh god." Mr. Anderson mumbles.

"Bella, thanks for helping out today. I'll see you on Wednesday." She says before leaving me with the grumpy old man.

The cookie….if you can call it a cookie, looks something similar to a hockey puck…..I think I could sand the side of a house with it.

I bring it up to my nose and take a sniff.

It's horrid.

Taking a bite…..

"Oh, you're a brave girl…. I never eat anything that woman cooks."

Chew. Chew. Chew.

I can feel the remnants of the cookie grinding against my teeth.

I smile at Mr. Anderson who is beside himself with laughter.

I see how it is old man.

I glare at him before storming off.

Turning the corner in search of a water fountain, I run straight into someone.

I'm trying to offer my condolences, but the horrid cookie is still in my mouth.

"Mmmm, oooowriiiss." I mumble, trying not to choke on the sand paper.

You and your brother Emmett look at me curiously.

My life can never be easy, can it?

"Oh man, you ate the cookie didn't you?" Emmett guffaws out in between his booming laughter.

I glare at them.

Which only makes Emmett laugh harder.

While you tilt your head, and study me curiously.

I'm getting really tired of meeting like this.


	20. Chapter 20

**Well, hello there. I want to shout out a big thank you to Southern Fanfiction Review on Facebook. Huge, huge THANK YOU. So many of you have said you found this linked on there and I appreciate it so much.**

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><p>Part One : Confessions of a Virgin<p>

* * *

><p>CHAPTER 20<p>

I sigh and try to swallow the cookie.

Who knew Esme could cook for shit?

I guess everyone has a flaw.

And hers is this abomination she refers to as a cookie.

I feel like I'm trying to swallow a tablespoon of cinnamon.

Which I've heard was impossible.

"Do you enjoy knocking me on my ass?" I ask you.

I'm seriously at my breaking point. I'm starting to wonder if these little meetings are intentional...

_Or just a universal sign that my life is fucked._

My money is on the latter.

You appear confused, which I'm starting to wonder is the norm for you.

The beautiful ones really don't have the brains do they?

"Pardon me?"

"Exactly. Maybe if you watched where you were walking you wouldn't knock people over."

Ha, take that,_ bitch_.

I try to continue to be menacing. I've got my glare on, hands on my hips.

If I wore earrings, I'd take those off right about now.

Then you'd know this means _business._

But looking at those green eyes just does things to my body.

I need to get myself a shock collar.

Train my body to associate yours with pain.

But knowing my luck, I'd probably get off on the pain.

I see Emmett looking back and fourth between you and me.

Eyeing us like a ping pong tournament.

Curiosity and amusement written all over his face.

He better watch out too. I'm on a war path today.

"Hey, you walked into me." You say, raising your hands defensively.

"No, I was here, and then you tried to occupy the same space, which is impossible by the way, therefore knocking me on my ass. Yet again."

"Listen, I apologize. I never meant to knock you over."

"Sure you didn't. You and your brother are probably going to have a nice laugh about this once I leave, won't you? Your just like everyone else in this shitty town." I say before taking my leave.

I'm not in the mood to argue.

I'm not in the mood to defend myself.

But really, I don't want to know that you really are like every one else in this town.

I've learned its nice living in the dream.

The dream doesn't disappoint.

The dream doesn't hurt.

The dream is safe, and content.

* * *

><p><strong>More Edward and Bella interaction coming your way. It may not be what your expecting, but I promise we WILL get there. Have faith in me?<strong>

**RG**


	21. Chapter 21

**Hello again.**

**I own nothing.**

* * *

><p>Part One : Confessions of a Virgin<p>

* * *

><p>CHAPTER 21<p>

The next day at school, there's a sunflower on my locker.

I stand there and stare at it.

I've never gotten flowers before.

Or even _a_ flower.

Honestly, who wants something that's going to die?

Plus you gotta feed it and shit.

And then clean it up when it dies.

I'm sorry but I don't see the point….

None the less, this is a new development.

I'm curious as to whom put this thing on my locker…

Is it a prank?

Did Lauren Mallory feed it exlacs, thinking she'd embarrass me by giving me diarrhea in school?

I could totally see her doing that.

She really is _that_ stupid.

Its almost sad how cliché she is. Being blonde and what not.

I cautiously take a step forward, and nothing.

Ang comes up and stares at it with me.

"What's that?" She asks, looking at it, puzzled.

We're both in the running for valedictorian, and we're staring at a flower like its the equation to space travel.

"Hell if I know."

"Hmmm." She grunts, taking it off my locker.

Nothing explodes.

Nothing plops out of the ceiling.

Nothing. A big nothing.

"Look, there's a note on the back."

"What's it say?"

"_I'm nothing like these inbreeds_." She says reading the note. "I wonder what it means…. I mean, why, and who would leave this?"

"Beats me."

I'm not willing to get into this conversation with her.

I don't want to get in this conversation with her.

I don't want false hope.

I don't want empty promises.

But it is an interesting development.


	22. Chapter 22

**Did you see my new avatar/banner for this story? It's posted on my profile.**

**Anywho, that's what I imagine my Bella to look like. She's smokin' hot right?**

**I own nothing but dirty, dirty, thoughts.**

* * *

><p>Part One : Confessions of a Virgin<p>

* * *

><p>CHAPTER 22<p>

I'm sitting in my math class when you walk in to take a test you've missed.

You're wearing jeans. Black skinny jeans that hug your ass like I wish my hands could.

A green sweater that makes your beautiful eyes stand out.

Its so simple. Just jeans and a sweater. But, aside from your father, I've never seen a man look better.

I'm chewing on the tip of my pen, wishing it _wasn't_ my pen.

I've always had a fascination with hands.

Your father's hands are probably what started it, but yours stole the show.

Your fingers are long and elegant.

And clean. So, so clean that all I can do is imagining getting them _dirty_.

I want your hands everywhere._ Anywhere_.

I let a small groan out that causes your attention to shift towards me as you make your way to the back of the class room.

Your eyes linger on me in the way I've grown accustomed to the past few weeks.

I'm not sure what your looking for, but I don't deter my gaze.

For once in my life, I don't look down.

I don't wish to be invisible.

I don't want to hide.

I let you see.

I let you wonder.

What I'm about.

What I'm thinking.

My hopes, my dreams, my fantasies.

Do you see?

Do you see that unlike most girls in this school, I plan to make something of myself. I don't want to get married and become a house wife.

Do you see that I'm more? More than what you think, more than what I let the world see.

Do you see the fantasies that you've become the very star of?

I bet you don't, but I let you.

I let you look, and wonder, because you'll probably never know.

You smirk at me.

The same smirk I see you give other people.

Only this one's _mine_.

I lift an eyebrow, not wanting to ask for more than you're giving.

I break your gaze, and go back to my work.

Or more realistically, imagining your wonderful hands, and doing naughty things to them.

Maybe I should have worn panties today?

* * *

><p><strong>I think this chapter had a lil' of what your lookin' for...<strong>

**Maybe one more tonight..maybe.**

**RG**


	23. Chapter 23

**Well, hello again. We broke 200 reviews! *fist pumps* **

**I own nada.**

* * *

><p>Part One : Confessions of a Virgin<p>

* * *

><p>CHAPTER 23<p>

The next day after school Ang and I head over to La Push.

Jake was informed by his sperm donor that he needed to gather his belongings or they would be donated to charity.

I offered up mine and Ang's services when it looked like Charlie was ready to commit a felony.

Although, both Ang and I want to beat the shit out of Billy ourselves.

Who does that?

Disown your own flesh and blood because they love someone different?

They believe differently.

For the life of me, I will never understand….

When we arrive at Billy's house, all of Jake's belongings are boxed up on the front porch.

"This is beyond fucked up." Ang mumbles, then shouts, "Don't make me beat up a cripple you mutha' fucker!"

I shake my head, and call Sam to help bring over the Cutlass.

No way I'm leaving that for that piece of shit.

Ang and I put all of Jake's belongings in the bed of my truck and head back to Forks.

The chief and I discussed turning our garage into a 'real garage' for Jake.

Although it's for me too, because that's our sanctuary.

I have Sam leave the Cutlass in the garage.

Jake comes out to help us bring his belongings inside.

I can practically feel the shame and self loathing rolling off Jake in tidal waves.

I can see its consumed him.

I want him to know he will always have a home with me.

I love and accept him, for the wonderful human being he is.

I know, no matter how much I say this to him, he wont believe it.

So I plan to show him, because someone as beautiful as Jake should never frown.

I feel like the Sun is missing.

There's no warmth left in my life.

Its dark, cold, and vacant.

And I absolutely hate Billy for doing this.

* * *

><p><strong>Did you guys see my new avatar? What do you think of my Bella? Not many of you said anything about it :(<strong>

**Be back with more later!**

**RG**


	24. Chapter 24

**I own nothing at all.**

* * *

><p>Part One : Confessions of a Virgin<p>

* * *

><p>CHAPTER 24<p>

We help Jake unpack his stuff.

Its everywhere, which is actually really _normal _for Jake.

Jake is and always has been what he refers to as 'an organized mess'.

I keep hearing Ang let out these cute little giggles.

Every time I look over at her, she stops laughing.

But I'm on to her…..

She giggles again, and I tackle her to find out what's so amusing.

Porn. Loads and loads of porn.

_It almost rivals my stash_.

"Awesome!" I shout.

"Look at these names…seriously who names this shit?" Ang says.

Lord of the Cock Ring.

Squatter and the Sorcerer's Bone

Legally Boned.

Edward Penishands.

I roll over in giggles.

And this is how my father and Jake find us.

Rolling around in a pile of porn, laughing our asses off like the mature adults we are.

I swear if see my dad turn as red as a fire truck.

Jake just shakes his head and hides his porn.

But I can see the corners of his mouth turning up.

Its not a full blown Jacob Black smile, but I'll take it.

"Why are you hiding it? We already know you have it!" Ang says, trying to compose herself. " Seriously, Edward Penishands?"

"Oh god, that's great!" I say, giggling all over again.

**~*.confessions.*~**

I make us all tomato soup and grilled cheese sandwiches for dinner.

Ang pulls out the series collection of Sex and the City.

There's nothing I love more than being here with my two best friends.

* * *

><p><strong>More E+B interaction up next! (:<strong>

**RG**


	25. Chapter 25

**I own nothing.**

* * *

><p>Part One : Confessions of a Virgin<p>

* * *

><p>CHAPTER 25<p>

Wednesday I visit Mr. Anderson after school again.

Hes just as grumpy as before.

Laying in his bed, glaring at the ceiling.

Laughing at his own jokes that don't make sense.

This time I make more of an effort to engage him in conversation.

I ask him what interests him.

Where hes from.

What he was like before he became a grumpy old man.

He laughs at me when I tell him this.

He says he was wrong about me.

I do have fire in me.

I just need to find it.

Believe in it; _myself_.

When I leave I'm surprised to find I actually like Mr. Anderson.

I look forward to spending more time with my grumpy old man.

This time I don't eat anything Esme gives me.

I've learned from my mistakes.

**~*.confessions.*~**

I run into you in the parking lot.

It looks as if you were waiting for someone.

I refuse to believe it was me.

You ask if I received your note.

I reply that I had, but what's it matter what I think of you.

You tell me your mom loves me, so there must be something everyone else misses.

You tell me you want to find out what it is.

You want the chance to see why she loves me so much.

This puzzles me…

I'm not sure if I want you to find it.

I'm not sure if I want to let you in.


	26. Chapter 26

**Your reviews are so kind, and make me smile. After my shit-tastic day, it was nice to come home to a bunch of them. I try to reply to them, because I hate it when I review a story and the author never says anything other than a small thanks in an authors note. So If you didn't get a reply, I'm sorry.**

**I own nothing.**

* * *

><p>Part One : Confessions of a Virgin<p>

* * *

><p>CHAPTER 26<p>

I had learned that Mr. Anderson was originally from New York.

I wanted to do something nice for him.

Show him that despite my age, I'm a caring human being.

So I made him cheesecake cookies.

Portable pieces of New York.

I grab my laptop and one of my dad's old Cary Grant dvd's.

I love the way Mr. Anderson's face lights up when I tell him what I have in store for us this afternoon.

I hook up my laptop to the television and put the movie on.

I can see Mr. Anderson sniffing the air.

He looks curiously at my bag an asks what I have in there.

It smells heavenly he says.

I give him a few cookies to snack on while we watch our film.

"If I were sixty years younger, I'd clobber you over the head and take you down to city hall right about now and marry your pretty ass."

He says this in between bites.

I tell him _that's_ exactly how every girl imagines being proposed to for the first time.

He laughs and tells me to play the figgin' movie.

**~*.confessions.*~**

I visit with poppa C before I head home.

I give a few of Mr. Anderson's cookies as a thank you.

I'm finding this far more rewarding than I anticipated.

And while I know not every day will be like today, I'm happy to be doing something for someone other than myself.

"You're one of a kind Bella. I should be the one thanking you. What your doing, really is something special Bella."

He takes a bite of the cookie and gives a moan that has me rethinking this entire situation.

Great, and now my panties are ruined.

What is it with these Cullen men?

_Bad Bella._

"Jesus mother Mary of God." Dr. Sexisle moans out.

I think I just gave Carlisle a foodgasm.

Score!


	27. Chapter 27

**Hello again. This one's kinda short.**

**I own nothing.**

* * *

><p>Part One : Confessions of a Virgin<p>

* * *

><p>CHAPTER 27<p>

Saturday morning I decide to get the grocery shopping out of the way before heading to Seattle with Ang.

I run into momma C while I'm picking out cucumbers.

I fell like a pervert talking to her while holding something that reminds me of a penis.

I smile hoping she doesn't know that I'm thinking that.

When I tell her that I'm planning on going to Seattle for the day, she asks if I would mind taking you along.

Great, being confined to a small space.

Smelling your smell.

That's_ just _what I need.

I try to think of a way out of this.

But I can never say no to Esme.

Ang looks like I told her, her clitoris would fall off if you played with it too much when I told her this.

"Why on Earth is Edward Cullen going with us to Seattle?"

"I have no idea, but this puts a damper on things…."

I don't know how Edward Cullen would feel going to a porn store with the town's minister and police chief's daughters….

I don't think there's any going back after witnessing something like that.

Whatever idea he has of me in his head would be shattered….

I wondered if the fact that I think about sex more than he probably does..

Own enough porn to fill a store.

Masturbate twice daily.

Would scare him?

"God dammit! Roger just broke and I really need a new one!" Ang whines, glaring at the road like it's Sarah Palin preaching abstinence.

"I'll get Jake to come along and distract him."


	28. Chapter 28

**You wanted some interaction, well, here's the first of many to come.**

**I own nothing.**

* * *

><p>Part One : Confessions of a Virgin<p>

* * *

><p>CHAPTER 28<p>

Ang drives us over to the Cullen house.

Esme invites us in and tells us Edward will be down in a minute.

I introduce her to Ang and Jake.

I can see they fall into Esme's charms the same way I have.

Its really impossible not to love _that_ woman.

I'm sure its been scientifically proven or some shit.

Once Edward comes down looking all sorts of yummy we head out to the car.

I let Jake sit in front with Ang.

Fitting his 6 foot 8 frame into the back seat of Angela's mother's Honda is next to impossible.

Plus, I kind of want to sit next to Edward.

He seems to get along with Jake and Ang.

Edward tells us he has to pick up some clothes at the mall and his car is in the shop, so he appreciates us letting him tag along.

Yeah buddy, because we're just _throwing_ out the welcome carpet.

Ang is looking at him like hes a science experiment.

Jake is also studying him. He's got his big brother shoes on. Glaring at him and shit.

Its only because I can't tell his mother no, and that like some sick fuck I want to find out what cologne he wears that hes with us.

I don't tell him this though.

I just smile at him and accept his thanks.

I'm finding it harder and harder to find my O now that I've been close to _the source _as I call it.

I feel kind of bad or dirty taking advantage of him for personal gain.

I can see that he really is Esme's son.

Her kindness radiates from him.

I've always wondered what he'd be like.

I'm learning that I quite like who he is, and that I'm both pleased and pissed I was wrong about him.

I'm glad I was wrong because he really is a great guy to be around, and I could see him being an amazing friend.

That I want to bang.

Stop. _Bad Bella_.

I'm pissed because it would be so much easier to get over him if all I wanted was to hump his brains out.

_No_, now I want to hold hands and shit.

What the fuck went _wrong?_

* * *

><p><strong>That's it for tonight. I really like the next chapter.<strong>

**Same time tomorrow?**

**RG**


	29. Chapter 29

**I woke up to about 40 reviews this morning, and I'd like to say thankyouthankyouthankyou! A big thank you to Indefinable 1 who reviewed every single chapter last night. That's awesome. There are a few others who've stuck by me through everything in all my fic's, thank you, I really appreciate it! I'll try to reply to some more reviews tonight.**

**Anywho, I find this chapter funny. Don't know if you will, but I do.**

**I own nothing.**

* * *

><p>Part One : Confessions of a Virgin<p>

* * *

><p>CHAPTER 29<p>

I had been contemplating when my life had become so messed up when Edward started fidgeting quiet nervously.

I think he had become aware that he was being studied.

Every second or so he'd look at Ang in the rear view mirror.

Out of nowhere he shouts, "I have a bible and attend church regularly."

It was a big _what the fuck _moment?

We all sort of looked at him with our head tilted and eyebrows raised.

I swear you could hear the crickets chirping.

He then goes on a rant about how much he respects both our father's and what not.

We all kind of snort at that.

Because although I'm learning that my dad is kind of the shit, Ang's dad is _almost_ as bad as Billy.

Of course, Edward doesn't know these things, _but still_.

Jake says something about us all outstanding members of the church and that is was about time we had our hourly prayer circle.

Yeah…_what the fuck_?

Prayer circle?

_Us_?

I don't know about that…. in fact it's down right comical.

The church preaches to the masses _against_ people like us….

I know he's just fucking with Edward, but it feels so deceitful to let him believe this about us.

I really want to punch Jake right about now.

"Praise Jesus on this fine day. May he bless us on our journey to the sinful city of Seattle, and may he protect us from temptation of them sexual deviants and glitter faeries. Amen."

Yeah, again, what the fuck?

Ang and I just sort of blink at each other.

Its always like this.

People treat us differently because of who our fathers are.

They assume things just because of who our fathers are.

People always think we're a bunch of bible hugging, Jesus praising, church freaks.

If they only knew the only bible we swear upon is my Sex and the City series collection.

And Cosmo.

* * *

><p><strong>More later. Possibly.<strong>

**RG**


	30. Chapter 30

**If you've never commented before, come say hello?**

**I own nothing.**

* * *

><p>Part One : Confessions of a Virgin<p>

* * *

><p>CHAPTER 30<p>

Ang drops Jake and Edward off at game stop so we can hit The Newsstand.

She doesn't want to frighten 'innocent Edward'.

That's what shes taken to calling him now.

We quickly pick out new rabbits and a few videos.

After stashing our purchases under the front seat of the Chirstmobile we head back towards game stop.

Jake and Edward are waiting in line to pay when we find them.

Jake's eyes gleam with mischievousness.

Edward looks confused... but I really am noticing that this _is _the norm for him.

Jake asks if we found what we were looking for.

Ang smiles happily and replies, "You know it."

"I'm sorry you guys missed this hours praying circle. I told Jake we should find you, but he said you'd pray on you own."

"Yeah, we, um did. I'm pretty sure I'll see Jesus tonight.

I try not to laugh.

Jake fails. His booming laughter fills the store.

Edward looks confused.

I wonder what he'd think if he know Angela just told him she was going to masturbate tonight.

After paying we head to the mall where Edward goes clothes shopping.

Ang, the traitor heads to Sears with Jake leaving me with Edward.

I shift, look around, and plan my escape.

I do _not _want to be anywhere where Edward will be taking his clothes off.

This has the possibilities to be epically bad.

I could just imagine tackling and ruining poor 'innocent Edward's'_ innocence_.

"Ugh, yeah, I'll go look at books or something'" I say, taking a step towards the bookstore.

I really want to escape the awkwardness.

"No, I can use you opinion, please?" He says, giving me the Esme-eyes.

_Son of a fucking dildo wielding nun_.

Its genetic!

I'm so fucked, and _not _in a good way.

"Yeah pal, because I'm I know all about what dudes should wear."

I snort, looking at my jeans that are about two sizes too big.

The over sized Seattle Mariner's hoodie I robbed from Jake.

Yeah, hes so not getting this shit back.

"Your still a girl, you can tell me what looks good and what doesn't."

This is going to be bad…..very, _very_ bad.

* * *

><p><strong>Sorry to disappoint some of you. No they didn't look at porn together. And no, Edward didn't catch Bella getting her freak on. YET.<strong>

**RG**


	31. Chapter 31

**It's not porn shopping, but Bella still makes it...pervy?**

**I own nothing.**

* * *

><p>Part One : Confessions of a Virgin<p>

CHAPTER 31

Edward and I walk to the Gap.

He picks out various jeans and khakis.

A few blue sweaters.

And then goes into the place that he will try them on.

_After getting naked_.

I wonder if hes a boxers or briefs kind of guy?

Ooooh, or commando?

This would be my opportunity to find out.

I could just walk in and be like, _oh my god_, I didn't know you'd be naked.

I didn't know this was the dressing room you went in.

To get naked.

So, _so_ sorry.

I could do it.

But I doubt my self control could handle just _seeing_ Sexward in various states of undress.

I'd probably shove him against the wall.

Then shove my tongue in his mouth.

I'd ruin that sex hair. _Straight up_.

Its unbearable in this store.

The thoughts…. they're just terrible.

My poor panties are, yet again ruined because of him.

Ruined underwear aside, I'm not liking how these people are looking at me.

I know I'm not the type to shop at the Gap.

But I'm not some fucking sideshow either.

Its not my fault Esme asked me to drive her fuckable son to Seattle.

To get clothing from this god forsaken place.

Its not my fault said fuckable son is driving me insane.

Is it possible to die from sexual frustration?

Ugh, I need to get out of here.

Its like the walls are closing in.

And then Edward steps out of the place he was naked in….

_And fuck my life._


	32. Chapter 32

**Holyshitbatman, thank you! A huge thank you to _The Wayward Pushers_ who linked this on their blog and Twitter. I had over 80 email's of reviews and alerts since they linked this lil' story...I'm amazed.**

**I own nothing.**

* * *

><p>Part One : Confessions of a Virgin<p>

* * *

><p>CHAPTER 32<p>

Hes wearing a pair of dark blue skinny jeans.

And I think a green sweater.

I hardly noticed the sweater.

Or the jeans.

Oh no.

My attention was focused on the holy grail of 'happy trails'.

_Fuck. Me. Running._

I've only gotten a glimpse, but I'm already an addict.

Lord knows what would happen if I saw him full on naked….

I'd probably _die_.

Just drop dead at the sight of his cock.

I bet it's b-a-utiful.

Fuck, it'd be a shame for it not to be.

Like, the ultimate let down.

Warning, false advertisement...Beautiful body, but fugly tiny dick with saggy hairy balls. No returns.

Psh, I'd bet my bebe that his cock is perfect.

I avert my gaze.

Push up my glasses.

Focus on the floor.

He asks my opinion on what he tries on.

I give him 'mhm' and 'yeahs'.

While I'm really thinking:

Yeah, those jeans frame your ass rather nicely.

Yes, Edward, get that pair of Khakis, it emphasizes your cock.

And yep, green and blue are your colors…..

Green reminds me of how yours eyes sparkle.

Blue, blue makes you look like you thinking dirty things.

Yeah, I could imagine that going over well.

He'd probably run and file a restraining order.

Why did he ask me to do this again?

**~*.confessions.*~**

While we're checking out at the cash register, the skinny blonde flirts shamelessly with Edward.

While I'm standing there and its clear as day we came here together.

We're not together together but I'm offended that she never even considered it.

I know its a stretch of the imagination, but hey.

Back the fuck up Paris Hilton version two point one.

I really, really hate how these preppy assholes are staring at me.

I can see the judgment.

The thoughts about me passing in their minds.

Will it always be like this?

If, and I mean a _big if_, I was ever lucky enough to be with someone like Edward….

Would I ever feel like I belonged there?

Or would I always feel like I was lucky enough he chose to realized I existed?

I hate feeling this way.

I hate second guessing myself.

Its times like these that make me glad I made the choice I did about college.

* * *

><p><strong>Bella feeling like this, is important. I've told some of you that the whole point of this story will be about finding out who you are, are really just loving yourself, flaws and all. She still has a ways to go, but every chapter brings her a step closer.<strong>

**Don't know if there will be more tonight...I got a busy day tomorrow and I'm exhausted.**

**Leave me more pretty things?**

**RG**


	33. Chapter 33

**Hello. I'm probably going to remind you guys every 10 chapters or so, but if you see this rec'd anywhere, please let me know? Or even where you found it... I'd like to thank them properly.**

**I own nothing at all.**

* * *

><p>Part One : Confessions of a Virgin<p>

* * *

><p>CHAPTER 33<p>

After leaving the Gap, Edward and I met up with Jake and Ang.

Jake got some more tools for our garage.

I can't wait to get back to work on our bebe again.

It feels like forever since I spent an afternoon in the sanctuary.

He says he wants to stop by the junk yard before heading back to Forks.

When we get there Jake grabs my hand and drags me all across the junk yard.

He picks out various pieces and makes me carry them.

How gentlemanly of him.

When we're finished he said we made out better than he expected.

We finish up picking out pieces for our bebe and head back home.

The car ride home is filled with various conversation, but I'm still out of it.

Its nothing new.

Pretty much the same way I've always felt.

But it still makes me feel like crap.

I hate the way people look at me.

I hate the way their noses turn up as they judge me.

So what, I'm not a size two.

I'm still a living breathing human being for fucks sake!

I want to be able to walk into a store like the Gap and not have people stare at me wondering what the hell that cow is doing in here.

I want to walk into that store, and people not be blind to me, but not stare like I'm some sideshow freak.

Is that too much to fucking ask?

I want to be proud of my curves.

I don't want to starve myself to be skinny.

I'm happy with my body, why isn't everyone else?

So what if I don't dress nice or flaunt it...

You just can't win, can you?

**~*.confessions.*~**

When we drop Edward off at Cullen McMansion, Esme rushes out to greet us.

Before I can warn the others, they're accepting a dinner invitation.

She want's to _thank us _for driving her boy around today.

I only know it's not exactly a thank you, it's more of a punishment.

But who knows, maybe Esme only can't bake…..

I mean, I've seen that before…. But it's usually the other way around….

As soon as we step into Cullen McMansion, the smell greeting us makes me want to run away.

Its horrid. Absolutely rancid...

Maybe it taste better than it smells...

Oh who the fuck am I kidding.

Emse, the person I view as the perfect mother figure, can't cook for shit.

"Welcome to our home. We're having tofu stroganoff for dinner." Esme says cheerfully as she shuts the door.

Its our only escape…..and source of fresh air.

Fuckaduck.


	34. Chapter 34

**I've come to the conclusion that there is simply not enough time in the day.**

**I own nothing at all.**

* * *

><p>Part One : Confessions of a Virgin<p>

* * *

><p>CHAPTER 34<p>

I feel as if all the air has been sucked out of the room with the gasp Jake makes.

We love food.

Of all varieties.

And we're pretty open minded when it comes to what we eat but…

The _fuck_?

Tofu stroganoff…_what_?

Seriously, what's the point?

Who comes up with this shit…..

And tofu, I thought_ that _was a joke.

People _actually_ eat that shit?

I try to make my smile appear genuine as I ask Esme if she needs any help with dinner….

Maybe I can drop it on the floor and offer to order pizza?

Do the Cullen's even eat pizza?

They're all so skinny and perfect.

But then again, I'd probably be a size zero if I had to eat that shit...

I can't even think, the smell in the house is clouding my mind.

Well, actually its the lack of oxygen.

I'm trying not to breathe.

Ya know, avoid smelling the horrid smell.

Maybe if I don't smell it, it wont taste so bad.

Esme has Ang and Jake sit at the table as poppa C and Edward come down and take their seats.

Jake and Ang look as if their walking to the electric chair.

After we've all been served Edward stops us before we can attempt a bite.

"We should all say grace." He says, looking at his 'rentals with a serious expression.

Its cute as hell and I just want to lick his face.

"Um, sure honey." Esme says curiously. "Why don't you start then, since it was your idea."

Jake is looking at his food looking like he wants to cry.

Poppa C, looks as happy as he always does.

I wonder how this family has survived….

I mean Emmett looks like he enjoys food…

Hasn't someone ever said anything to Esme before?

Maybe she burned all their taste buds off by accident at one point.

I wouldn't put it beyond her.

"Yeah, Ugh yeah." Edward starts, "Dear Jesus, thank you for my loving mother, and her creativeness with supplying us food. And um, thank you for, um food and stuff?"

When Edward finishes his eloquent prayer Esme looks at him like 'that's an A for effort' type thing.

Dinner is interesting…..

I notice poppa C has some sort of tactic in avoiding eating.

He starts talking in his medical jargon, going on and on about this surgery, and that surgery.

Esme just smiles and nods, and eats the travesty she's created.

Edward piles it in his napkin as poppa C distracts Esme.

Then they switch off.

Edward starts talking about colleges, homework, and video games.

Esme follows along cheerfully, and poppa C fills his napkin up.

Fucking geniuses.

I follow suit when Esme isn't looking.

I notice Jake is putting his portion back in the serving dish, and Ang just sits there studying a sample of the food on her spoon.

After dinner is over, poppa C invites us to his office where we snack on some fruit and pretzels he smuggles out of the hospital.

I always knew he was a smart, _smart_ man.


	35. Chapter 35

**BTW, we've passed 400 reviews...I didn't think this entire thing would reach 400, and we've passed that before the half way point.**

**Your guys are so, so much better than I deserve!**

**I own nothing at all.**

* * *

><p>Part One : Confessions of a Virgin<p>

* * *

><p>CHAPTER 35<p>

Ang and I had been busy for the past few weeks making the final preparations for college.

Our plan was to leave the day after graduation.

Sadly, Jake wont be joining us.

When we told him our plans, he said he had been accepted at a mechanical school in Port Angeles and planned on working with a friend he had near there.

I was sad because I had grown used to having him around constantly.

But I don't think he wants to live in the closet in our dorm.

He just came out of the closet, I don't think he'd like going back into one.

I snicker at the thought.

Ang still hasn't told her parents of our plans.

I know she's frightened.

She's told me shes terrified that if she told them too soon they tie her up and make her live under the stairs.

Read nothing but the bible and listen to gospel music.

Talk about personal hell.

I think that may or may not be a bit _drastic_, but I could understand.

She wants to make sure there's no room left for her parents to force her to UDUB.

I did however sit Charlie down and discuss it with him.

I had the note cards, pie charts, and graphs.

You name it.

I even practiced my speech in the mirror.

When it came down to it, my father told me how proud he was of me.

He hoped I would find what I was looking for in Texas.

He told me this would always be my home, no matter what.

I cried like a bitch.

Charlie looked uneasy with the emotions but it meant the world to me.

There wasn't much I wanted more than a better relationship with Charlie.

Maybe Edward buck naked tied in a bow, but hey, beggars can't be choosers.

**~*.confessions.*~**

I hadn't realized how much time had flown by when Ang told me our plans for prom.

It was in two days.

I had heard people talking about it here and there, but for some reason it hadn't registered.

Finals were next week, and then we graduated the following Monday.

Where had the time gone?

How did I let everything pass me by so quickly….

I looked back realizing how much had changed in the span of only a little over a month..

Just the fact the Edward not only realized I existed, but that we'd formed some sort of friendship….

It was baffling.

But it was real.

He was my friend, a real good one at that.

We'd gotten a lot closer with the amount of time we spent together at the hospital.

I knew things I only ever guessed at.

And while I was happy being his friend…. I knew I wanted more.

But I couldn't have more.

Not only because he had a girlfriend, whom he told me he 'loved' on numerous occasions.

Or the fact that I was a social outcast.

But I was in what I had feared as the permanent friend zone.

It was clear as day he would only ever see me as a friend.

And while that sucked, I was okay with it.

_For now at least._

* * *

><p><strong>Don't be mad! She's just not ready for him quite yet. Remember sometimes the most important thing, is the journey getting there!<strong>

**Leave me pretty things? Or shout at me how much you hate they're not banging each other right now.**

**I promise, I have a plan! It will all make sense if you think about it. She needs to love herself, or it wont matter what anyone else thinks.**

**RG**


	36. Chapter 36

**I tried replying to some reviews, but it was more time consuming than I anticipated. Hope you'd prefer the chapter instead...?**

**This is my all time favorite chapter...I borrowed a line from a movie that I could just picture Ang using...Can you guess what it is?**

**I own nothing at all.**

* * *

><p>Part One : Confessions of a Virgin<p>

* * *

><p>CHAPTER 36<p>

The morning of graduation was... _strange_.

In fact, the _week_ leading up to graduation was strange.

I kept finding randomly placed egg rolls in various places…

My glove compartment, panty drawer, tool box.

I think that when Ang and I had 'blacked out' at _not prom_, I had saved them up like a squirrel.

We we're still trying to piece together what happened that night.

All I know is, if you go on an Indian reservation, _never_ drink or smoke anything.

Ang and I are missing 16 hours of our lives that we have no clue how we spent.

We did however discover we had been banned from Mr. Chows in Port Angeles.

Which is sad, because it's the only Chinese food restaurant in a 50 radius.

And the egg rolls rocked…

Anyways, back to graduation morning.

We've lost Ang.

Jake and I misplaced her, and we can't find her anywhere.

I'm beginning to wonder if her parents really did stuff her under their staircase….

Thank god we're leaving this place tomorrow morning.

It'd probably be best if I found my best friend first though...

Graduation is slated to start in 10 minutes and I needed my best friend for moral support.

I had wrote a speech for this shindig, but I was unsure if I was going to use it.

It was boring.

And cliché.

And its not like I actually gave a shit about the things I wrote.

Lies, all lies.

Sighing, I look around for Ang one last time.

She's still nowhere to be found.

I make my way on stage.

Now or never….

I went with my boring speech.

_This was the time of our lives._

_I can't believe it's over._

_Lets all remain in touch, and besties for life._

Blah, fucking, blahblah blah.

It wasn't like anyone payed attention.

They called Angela and she stumbles across the stage.

Oh shit.

This could end badly.

I notice the glaze in her eyes.

She's completely sauced right now.

Why didn't I think of that?

It would have made this despicable experience bearable.

She takes the mic from Mr. Banner.

"Hello peers, As many of you know, my name is Angela Weber." She starts, "Well, I have something to say to my fellow class and the parents before us."

Mr. Banner smiles along, and encourages Ang to finish her speech.

Any other person would have been tackled by security by this point, but _not_ the minster's daughter.

I make eye contact with Jake, knowing I'm going to need his help.

I have a feeling we're going to need a hasty retreat.

"Well, for the first time in my life, I'm 18, and I can say fuuuuuuuucccccckkkkk yooooooouuuuu!" She screams out into the microphone, jumping up and down like a crazed chihuahua.

The crowd goes deadly silent.

"Suck my fucking dick bitches!"

_Oh god_, she's grabbing her cooch.

She must have drank some Jack Daniels.

"I leave you with these words of wisdom from MCA, Mike D, and Ad-Rock, 'You gotta fight for your right to party!'. I'm out dis bitch!"

She grabs her diploma, and hops off the stage.

I grab her hand and rush out of there.

All along the way people's shocked faces, and whispered voices greet us.

Well, _that's_ certainly a way to go out.

* * *

><p><strong>One more part one Bella chapter!<strong>

**RG**


	37. Chapter 37

**Here we are! The last part one chapter... Part two will be Edward's pov (:**

**I'm glad you guys liked the last chapter as much as I did.**

**I own nothing at all.**

* * *

><p>Part One : Confessions of a Virgin<p>

* * *

><p>CHAPTER 37<p>

I dragged Angela towards the car.

She was ranting and raving along the way.

She told Lauren to enjoy the final seconds of her glory days and that she liked her coffee black.

She'd have to remember that for when she served our food.

She told Mike, and everyone else, that he she saw him fucking Irina, who happens to be Jessica's cousin behind the gym this morning.

That's a bit a problem, considering Mike and Jessica were one of the golden couples.

She _also_ told everyone who tiny his dick was…. laughing and hollering that she'd never seen anything that small.

I could have gone my entire life not knowing _that_ tidbit of information.

We couldn't get her to the car fast enough.

I shoved her in the back seat, ready to leave this place behind.

I could see Edward staring at us intently.

It was a look I had grown accustomed to.

He had told me he was trying to see what I was about.

Who I was, and what made his mother love me so much.

I had let him see who I was a little.

But I kept myself guarded.

The best parts of me, because really, I was still trying to figure everything else out myself.

I wonder if in ten years, I'd look back and regret that.

I took one final look at him, knowing I probably wouldn't see him again.

He was going to Columbia, and I was going to Texas.

Not that the distance was our biggest hurdle.

I sighed, knowing the next time I probably saw him, he'd be married to that blonde whore Tanya.

_She_ was going to some school in New York to follow him.

Gold digging whore was just watching her investment.

They'd have a million little perfect babies.

And I'd be the girl he became friends with briefly in high school.

Letting go of something you never had, is surprisingly difficult.

**~*.confessions.*~**

We went back to my house where Angela explained that she had told her parents.

They refused to let her go to Texas.

They refused to pay for it.

She said she told them to go fuck themselves, and she was an adult now.

They told her to leave and never come back.

No daughter of theirs would behave like a hussy.

Apparently it got so bad, she grabbed her stuff and left.

She was taking it surprisingly well, but my Ang was a spit fire.

My dad walked into the house and took one look at us before breaking down into uncontrollable laughter.

It _was_ a rather interesting morning…..

One this town surely would talk about for years to come.

Fuck, her speech was the end all of graduation speeches.

Bow down to the queen.

She was officially my idol.

**~*.confessions.*~**

The next morning Ang and I put all our belongings into the Cutlass.

I was still shocked Jake gave it to me.

It was supposed to be ours, but he said it was always mine.

We pulled on the highway with promises to keep in touch and be safe.

I wasn't sure what I was in store for, but I hoped I'd find myself along the way.

* * *

><p><strong>I'm going to go through the previous chapters and fix some mistakes...but if I get lot's of lovin' I will post the first EPOV chapter tonight, otherwise I will see you tomorrow.<strong>

**RG**


	38. Chapter 38 EPOV

**Here is a tiny insight into Edward's mind. As I've said, the second part will be entirely in EPOV. Unlike in Bella's POV, this will span from high school all the way up until Bella and Edward meet again, so there will be time skips. Look out for them, I will mention them, but this is forewarning.**

**I own nothing.**

* * *

><p>PART TWO : CONFESSIONS OF A LOST BOY<p>

* * *

><p>CHAPTER 38<p>

Did you ever wake up one day and wonder whose life you were living?

I do, everyday.

Nothing in my life is without thought or consideration in what people expect of me.

What I wear.

What I say.

Who I associate with.

The people in this town expect things from me.

I come from a wealthy, successful family.

So they expect me to follow in my father's footsteps.

The people I go to school with cling to me for similar reasons.

I don't understand it, why they chose me, but it appears I set the precedent for others.

I'm expected to dress in the best clothes, have the best grades, play all the sports, date the most popular girl.

I wonder, almost constantly, did these people ever stop for one second to think about what I want?

Then again, maybe it's my fault.

Because I've never once questioned it.

Or _anything_ really.

Like a sheep, I follow the heard.

At this rate, we're headed all for slaughter.

I guess that makes me just as bad they are.

* * *

><p><strong>I've said it before, and I'm sure I'll say it again... The entire story will be about finding yourself. Sometimes we're all a little lost, even those we least expect.<strong>

**My Dr. Phil moment is ova, leave me pretty things?**

**RG**


	39. Chapter 39 EPOV

**I'd like to address here and now, that I will NOT be going over everything that happened in part one in Edward's POV. I will address the key points, and things I purposely left out.**

**His thoughts, will be shorter, but you've all been asking for dialogue, so I will add more of that for you.**

**I own nothing at all.**

* * *

><p>PART TWO : CONFESSIONS OF A LOST BOY<p>

* * *

><p>CHAPTER 39<p>

Each day a little more of me dies.

Each day I give a little more of myself to everyone.

Pretty soon, there's going to be nothing left.

Everything I am, everything will be _theirs_.

I feel as if I'm suffocating.

Listening to these imbeciles.

They prattle on about this party.

How they cheated on this test.

Which girl they're going to screw.

What this person did and how 'totally lame' that made them.

I sit there, and listen.

Nod my head, and smile at the right moments.

But what I really want to do is bash their heads in.

These people have no substance.

No ambitions.

No goals, hopes, beliefs.

I want something more in my life.

I want to have a conversation with someone where it actually means something.

I want to talk about things that matter.

Not banging all the chicks in school.

Not how it's_ like so totally awesome_ that nerd Ben did my homework.

Do people like that even exist?

In Forks no less….

Will I find any one I connect with, that has a brain of their own?

* * *

><p><strong>One more tonight? I'll post it in a few hours.<strong>

**I don't know what you guys are expecting with Edward's POV, but I have a feeling it will be what your not expecting. I'm sticking closer to SM Edward than most of you are expecting...but we all like to take a walk on the wild side now and then, right? :D I will not say anymore on this, other than have faith, and just wait and see what I have in store.**

**RG**


	40. Chapter 40 EPOV

**I lied, but it's a good (for you) lie. I have ONE more chapter for you tonight. So that's three today!**

**I own nothing at all.**

* * *

><p>PART TWO : CONFESSIONS OF A LOST BOY<p>

* * *

><p>CHAPTER 40<p>

We all have hopes and dreams.

And at this point, there is nothing I want more than to not drown in the tide.

I'm tired of going with the flow.

Following these people and their shallow minds.

I don't know though…exactly how to get to where I want.

My parents, the thought of disappointing them _kills me_.

I remember when I told my father I planned to follow in his footsteps.

Regardless of what I wanted, it was expected of me to become a doctor.

The people in this town, my peers, my _girlfriend_.

They all just sort of banned together subconsciously and shoved me on that path.

I didn't even want to be a doctor.

But the way my father's face lit up when I told him…. I knew no other career path would be welcomed.

Not that my parents have said so, but I can see it.

It's to be expected.

But everything in my life is how other people expect it.

I play soccer because the guys in school expect it.

I date Tanya, because the guys at school think I should be with someone like her…. and my parents seem to like her.

I wear khakis and polo shirts because Tanya expects me to.

I talk, think, and act like they expect me to.

I kind of just want to say to hell with it all.

Say fuck you and follow my own path.

I know I wont though, no matter how much I wish so.

* * *

><p><strong>Ummmm, so yeah, not everything is as it seems. It never is when you're a teenager and think you know everything though.<strong>

**ONE MORE, leave me some lovin'!**

**I think you are gonna like the next chapter...**

**RG**


	41. Chapter 41 EPOV

**Hello again.**

**NO, this will NOT go over the entire Part One...It will move along a lot quicker. I've got a ton of ground to cover here, but it all happen pretty fastly. I expect to update multiple times a day, so you wont be left waiting long for things to happen.**

**I own nothing at all.**

* * *

><p>PART TWO : CONFESSIONS OF A LOST BOY<p>

* * *

><p>CHAPTER 41<p>

I'm in the library browsing the poetry section when I hear a beautiful sound.

It's almost like bells tinkling.

Like a siren's call I follow the sound and find these two girls laughing and talking with no abandon.

I see how easily they talk to one another.

How effortless it is.

It's nothing like how I talk with my 'friends' or the people I associate with.

There's no judgment or expectations between them.

No hidden agenda.

It's….._freeing._

And I find myself insanely jealous of these two.

I recognize them; the daughter's of the minister and police chief.

I've noticed how bad the students treat them.

And yet, here they sit, without a care in world.

As if nothing these people do or say to them matters.

Is it possible to leave all that shit behind, and just _live_?

I don't have someone in my life who would support me like they have….

There wouldn't be someone to pick me up.

Support me unequivocally.

The closest person I have is Emmett, and he's away at school on the east coast.

I've never felt more alone in my entire life.

I wonder if those girls would even give me the time of day?

Could they teach me how to live?

* * *

><p><strong>I gave you three updates today, so leave me some pretty things?<strong>

**RG**


	42. Chapter 42 EPOV

**I had a particular review that was upset with the length of my chapters...well kids, this IS a drabble fic. Chapters **_wont_** be all that long. But I do update almost everyday, and often multiple times a day. So I'm sorry if you don't like the length, but that's how it is.**

**I own nothing at all.**

* * *

><p>PART TWO : CONFESSIONS OF A LOST BOY<p>

* * *

><p>CHAPTER 42<p>

I'm walking in the hallway after school when I run straight into someone.

The force of it knocks both of us on our asses, and scatters books all across the hallway.

A small lavender scented frame surrounds me.

I'm surprised to find how much my body likes it.

It's never like this with Tanya, then again she _barely_ lets me touch her.

But this, _this is fire_ that encompasses me from the hair on my head to my toes.

It spreads like wildfire, and before I can even tame it, the small frame leaves mine.

I immediately miss the source, quickly searching for it.

I find a pair of angry chocolate eyes.

_Isabella_.

I've never noticed how naturally pretty she is.

Her soft skin, and dark eyes with specks of golden.

How can people in this school make fun of her?

Sure, she dresses different.

She's smart, and kind, and so much more.

But when did it come time for those to be things to be ostracized?

She stares back at me intently, as if she hates me.

I hate to admit, but a little part of me dies.

I don't want her to hate me.

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><p><strong>I told you this will move along pretty quickly, and it will. Don't worry, it won't be 40 chapters before something happens.<br>**

**RG**


	43. Chapter 43 EPOV

**It's been a busy couple of days, but I have some new chapters for you.**

**I'm sorry that this is **_boring_** some of you and this hasn't turned into an issue of Hustler, but everything has it reasons. If your so **_bored_** with this, wait a couple weeks or so and then get caught up on my chapters. Then you'll have multiple chapters to digest and we'll be done with the boring parts.**

**I'm finding EPOV more difficult to write, so I'm probably going to speed this up faster than I thought I would.**

**I own nothing at all.**

* * *

><p>PART TWO : CONFESSIONS OF A LOST BOY<p>

* * *

><p>CHAPTER 43<p>

I've been making it a habit to run into Isabella.

Of course, I hadn't meant to _actually_ run into her.

She clearly didn't like me knocking her over.

But I was hoping in time I'd be able to actually speak with her.

She seamed to loathe me for some reason.

All I wanted was to be her friend.

I could use someone in my life like her.

That wasn't so bad, was it?

Was it selfish for someone like _me_, to want to know her?

But she had placed me in the same class as the rest of this town's morons.

She didn't know me, so I tried not to take offense, but I really hated being placed with them.

I wasn't like _them_…..well, I didn't _want_ to be like them.

So before I was even able to speak to her, she'd put me in my place.

She had fire I'd never seen before when she was angry.

I had to admit, that a small part of me wanted to look for reasons to see that fire.

She was _otherworldly_ when she was angry.

I probably liked it more than I should….

I felt like a sick perv looking for reasons to make her angry because it turned me on.

God, maybe I should just stay away from her.

I'd ruin her…. tarnish something beautiful that I had no right to in the first place.

People like Isabella deserved someone better than someone like me.

I sighed, knowing that no matter how much I didn't deserve it, deserve to know her, that I still wanted it more than anything.

I'd forever be grateful to my mother.

Inviting Isabella to help out at the hospital would grant me an opportunity to find out more about the reclusive brunette that invaded my thoughts.

* * *

><p><strong>BTW, some of guys are very observant. I told you not everything was as it seemed.<strong>

**More later.**

**RG**


	44. Chapter 44 EPOV

**It's a shame I'm losing some readers, but I'm not changing my story to make those people happy. I saw this going a certain way, and I'm sticking to how I envisioned this. It wont always be a 'downer', I will get back to the core of what made this story, but there are a few speed bumps in the road first. I'm not going to say anything else about this, it's your choice to finish reading my story if you want. Those of you who have stuck around for the boring parts, I'm so thankful. I appreciate you more than you know.  
><strong>

**Moving on...**

**I have something I'm going to rec that I love, and if you haven't been reading, you should definitely check out. **

Blank Page **by **Pineapplesrock

**SUMMARY: When she was sixteen, she fell in love with the wrong guy. And thus began her journey of self-discovery through the blank pages of her diary. E/B**

**I own nothing at all.**

* * *

><p>PART TWO : CONFESSIONS OF A LOST BOY<p>

* * *

><p>CHAPTER 44<p>

"Honey, do you still need a ride to Seattle?" My mother asked while I helped her bring groceries in the house.

"Yeah, I guess."

"Well, I found you a ride. Bella and her friend will be by shortly You be nice to those girls, you hear me?" She asked, as if I was going to do something to hurt them.

I scoffed at the thought.

But then I thought about what my mother said.

Isabella.

I would be spending the entire day with Isabella.

I'm buying my mother a huge gift for mother's day this year.

"Of course mom."

**~*.confessions.*~**

When I came down to greet the girls, a huge behemoth of a man was with them.

He was literally the biggest man I had ever seen.

Even bigger than Emmett, which was saying something.

Who was he?

Was he one of their boyfriends?

I was surprised at how much I disliked the thought of that….

* * *

><p><strong>I have a few more chapters for you today.<strong>

**Just have to finish typing them.**

**RG**


	45. Chapter 45 EPOV

**On with it..**

**I own nothing at all.**

* * *

><p>PART TWO : CONFESSIONS OF A LOST BOY<p>

* * *

><p>CHAPTER 45<p>

It felt odd being around people that were without a doubt better than me.

I was used to people like Lauren Mallory and Mike Newton.

But Isabella, Angela, and Jake were all kind, smart, and caring people.

They all had goals and ambitions in life.

I felt like such a failure in comparison.

They had no problems with who they were.

They didn't wake up everyday knowing they were living a lie.

Every so often I could feel Angela's eyes on me.

She was looking at me in the rear view mirror like I was some experiment.

I wondered if she was judging me for a change?

The way I dress, talk, people I associate with.

I wonder if she thought that it was I who was the loser of this godforsaken place?

I knew her family was known for being religious…was she judging me for not being so?

I wondered if she was talking to the big guy upstairs….

What was she telling him about me?

It was odd to be on the other side of this particular situation for once.

I didn't want them to think bad of me.

I wasn't a horrible human being.

I was never one of the people who picked on them.

I never joined in to belittle them.

On the other hand, I never did anything to stop it _either_.

"I have a bible and I attend church regularly."

_Seriously?_

Because _that_ is going to make her like me.

I'm sure she's noticed that my family has never been to church.

* * *

><p><strong>The epic dinner is up next.<strong>

**RG**


	46. Chapter 46 EPOV

**Hello.**

**I own nothing at all.**

* * *

><p>PART TWO : CONFESSIONS OF A LOST BOY<p>

* * *

><p>CHAPTER 46<p>

The trip to Seattle was…..interesting.

I felt like I was an outsider looking in.

Like I was missing the punch line or something.

Angela dropped me off at home, and before I could usher my mother inside, she was inviting them to come eat with us.

Growing up, my brother Emmett and I always were well off.

The ideal family, almost picture perfect.

I loved my mother. I loved her dearly, but she couldn't cook for shit.

I'm serious, I've seen her ruin instant macaroni an cheese.

How is that possible?

The directions are on the back…. It's like three steps total.

Unfortunately, my brother and I inherited her cooking skills.

My father wasn't any better off in the kitchen either.

So we would pretend to eat whatever mom had made, and would either sneak food from our rooms, or sneak out to get something to eat.

I can't tell you how well I know all the people at the local restaurants.

Mom had prepared tofu stroganoff for dinner.

I was at the point where what she made didn't even register to me anymore.

Dad would talk and I would hide what ever she had made for us.

And then I would talk and dad would do the same.

I sat at the dinner table looking at the faces of our guests.

Jake looked like he was going to cry. Angela was studying it. Bella had figured our system out.

It was an interesting dinner.

I loved how they interacted with my parents.

Especially Isabella.

I knew how much my mother and father loved her.

For the longest time all I had ever heard how much they adored her.

I was quickly learning what an amazing person she was for myself.

I loved how my mother's eyes lit up when her and Isabella talked.

Or how she made my father's boring medical research appear interesting.

* * *

><p><strong>Would you guys like to see some of their conversations at the hospitals? If you don't care too much about them, I'm going to skip ahead to prom and graduation. Prom will show more insight into his and Tanya's relationship...and explain some of your questions. About 10 chapters of Part Two left (:<strong>

**More later.**

**RG**


	47. Chapter 47 EPOV

**One super long A/N and then I have a few updates for you guys tonight.**

**First off, I have some of the best readers. I appreciate all of your support. I try to reply to reviews, but I've been slacking this week. I just want you guys to know how much I love reading what you have to say and how supportive and understanding you are. It's why I continue to write and post in the first place.**

**This week reaffirmed my belief in eloping. My sister got, married, and it's been a pretty stressful week.**

**So, general consensus is that you'd like to see some of the conversations. I'd like to make the option available to have some outtakes later on when I'm finished with this fic. So anything I've left out or anything you'd like to see, I'll let you guys pick a few things for the outtakes.**

**I own nothing but a vivid imagination.**

* * *

><p>PART TWO : CONFESSIONS OF A LOST BOY<p>

* * *

><p>CHAPTER 47<p>

I've been creeping around the hospital, trying to talk to Isabella.

Every time I come within five feet of her, I've either knocked her on her ass,

Or I can't even string words together to form sentences.

How is that possible?

I'm not the type of person who has ever been at a loss for words.

Usually it's easy for me to talk to someone.

_Hey, Isabella, how about the weather? I don't think we got as much rain today as yesterday._

Yeah, I could just imagine _that_ going well.

She probably thinks I'm mentally challenged as it is.

I don't wish to confirm it for her.

Sighing, I watch her talk to that old grumpy man everyone seems to hate.

What shocks me, is how he laughs with her.

Talks with her.

The way he lights up being in her presence.

I want that, and I'm extremely jealous of that old man and his shriveled balls.

He gets to make her laugh.

Eat her famous cookies, which my father has said were beyond this world.

Talk to her.

I shake my head realizing I'm jealous of man who is terminally ill.

What kind of fucked up shit is that?

* * *

><p><strong>About 4 or 5 more part two chapters. <strong>

**I'm going to reply to some of your reviews, and then I'll post one more chapter tonight. You'll get the rest of part two tomorrow.**

**RG**


	48. Chapter 48 EPOV

**I didn't get to reply to all of your reviews. So here is another chapter to make up for my suckage. It's one of my favorties, although it doesn't top graduation...but it's nice to see more about who Edward** could** be I think...**

**I own nothing.**

* * *

><p>PART TWO : CONFESSIONS OF A LOST BOY<p>

* * *

><p>CHAPTER 48<p>

I see Isabella in the cafeteria.

She's sitting by herself working on what looks like

homework.

Do or die time Cullen.

If I can't talk to her here, I don't think I'll ever get the nerve to.

I grab a green jello and chocolate milk and sit across from her.

"Is it alright if I sit here?" I ask, giving my best smile.

I get a sexy glare in return.

She's so sexy when she's angry.

Like a panther…..god, I could just imagine her yelling at me.

Eye's blazing with fire.

All glorious.

Ready to pounce.

"Why do you ask if your already sitting down? Doesn't it defeat the purpose of asking my permission?"

And fuck, I'm hard.

Like really _really_ hard.

"Well, um yeah." I squeak out. "Is, this, um, alright?" I ask eloquently.

_Please don't think I'm an idiot._

"I don't know Cullen, if I said yes would you leave?" She asks raising an eyebrow in question.

She's so much different outside of school.

I like that she challenges me instead of giving in.

"If you give me a cookie I'll leave. Take it or leave it."

"And if I don't?" She challenges.

"Then your stuck with me indefinitely."

That wouldn't be so bad, would it?

"Well, unfortunately for you I've given all my extra cookies to your dad."

It's a bit of a double edge sword...I want some of her cookies. It's not fair my old man gets to enjoy all her baked goods.

But then on the other hand, I really want to stick around.

Maybe if I'm really nice, she'll make them with me.

Win, win.

"What? Why does the old man get all the goods?"

God, I'm jealous of an old terminally ill man already, now I have to add my own father to that list?

Life just hates me.

"Well, poppa C is awesome. Sorry Cullen, but your awesomeness just pales I comparison to your 'rents." She says with a shrug of her shoulders.

That's it, the old man is getting socks for father's day this year.

"And son, I'm better looking than you are." My father says, as he takes the seat next to me.

The fucker has the nerve to take a bite of the most delicious cookie ever known to man right in front of my face.

He moans, which is highly disturbing.

Bella bites her lip.

I don't find this amusing.

I want a cookie.

It's just not fair.

* * *

><p><strong>AND that's all she wrote...for tonight at least.<strong>

**What did you guys think of this other dimension into who Edward Cullen is? I think it's a small step in the direction he needs to go...but hey, what do I know?**

**Nighty, night!**

**RG**


	49. Chapter 49 EPOV

**I woke up to well over 100 emails this morning of pretty, pretty things. You guys amaze me.**

**I own nothing.**

* * *

><p>PART TWO : CONFESSIONS OF A LOST BOY<p>

* * *

><p>CHAPTER 49<p>

I've been hanging out with Isabella almost everyday at the hospital after school.

I've still yet to get a cookie from her.

Yesterday, she made triple chocolate.

That's THREE kinds of chocolate people, and I didn't get one damn cookie….

On the other hand, I had learned more about the person my parents and pretty much everyone at the hospital loved.

Isabella was even more amazing than I imagined.

I knew she was smart, but it was interesting to have conversations, or in my case see conversation that weren't about meaningless things.

She was funny in a way you wouldn't expect.

She got this cute look on her face when she'd tell a joke, or find something funny.

Nose all scrunched up, lip bitten, eyes shining.

It was adorable.

And fuck if that didn't sound creepy.

I felt like some sort of stalker.

If she knew how much I watched her and was obsessed….

She'd have her dad arrest me for sure.

She was so perfect.

I couldn't believe someone like her had been in front of me my entire life, and I'd never noticed.

As if I stood a chance with her….

She seemed to tolerate my presence, but I think that was about it.

I'd tried everything to see if she was interested.

I'd flirt, and she'd look at me like I was speaking a foreign language.

I knew my flirting skills were _ace_, almost fail proof.

I'd tried making her jealous, talking about Tanya….

But nothing….nada, zilch.

I told her I loved Tanya in a last ditch effort to evoke some sort of emotion…but all I got was a beautiful smile in return.

I didn't love Tanya.

I was _stuck_ with her for the time being, but I didn't _love_ her.

I guess that's what I'm stuck with.

A life I don't want, with people I can't stand.

I didn't deserve anything else.

I wondered what lucky guy would get to marry Isabella.

Maybe that Jacob guy.

Whoever it was, I hated them.

* * *

><p><strong>Well, that explains a bit... I told you things were not how they seemed. We'll learn more about their relationship in the next chapter. Only a few more Part two chapters. I will give them all to you tonight. I'll start back up with Bella starting tomorrow possibly. There will be more EPOV later on.<strong>

**RG**


	50. Chapter 50 EPOV

**I want to give a HUGE ginormous thank you to Kitty Vuitton who rec'd this thing to The Lemonade Stand. I'm simply blown away by the response to this little story. I thought when I started this I'd be lucky to get a few readers and possibly reach 200 reviews...but alas, I really do have some of the best readers. THANK YOU!**

**Some of you sort of caught on to this, and by _some_ I think ONE person, but I have a feeling many of you will be surprised... It's not what you're expecting, but then again none of this has been.**

**I own nothing.**

* * *

><p>PART TWO : CONFESSIONS OF A LOST BOY<p>

* * *

><p>CHAPTER 50<p>

Prom sucked.

Really, really fucking sucked.

I had gone to the stupid fucking thing in the tux Tanya approved.

'Cause apparently I can't be trusted enough to dress myself.

In a limo with a bunch of fucking retards.

I hated _her_ friends even more than I hated _mine_.

I went to the gym where I had to spend the entire evening trying to seem like I cared.

All night, all I wanted to see was Isabella.

I'd hope I could maybe steal a dance….

Hold her in my arms at least once, in what would be one of the last time's I'd see her.

I spent all night watching the doors, but she didn't show.

So I was stuck listening to Tanya.

She had our whole lives planned out.

I hated the things she expected of me.

I felt stuck, with no way of pulling my self out of the tide.

This is what my life would be, what I'd become.

I was trying to come to terms with that….

After prom Tanya and I went to Mike Newton's house for his after prom party.

There was alcohol.

Tons, and tons of alcohol.

I drank everything I could get my hands on.

When everyone left the party a few of us stayed over.

Tanya and I had our own room.

I was drunk enough to hope she'd let me touch her.

But she wouldn't.

Apparently there was such a thing as 'too big'.

According to her it was disgusting and I wasn't allowed to put it all the way in.

Tanya had told me multiple times it wouldn't fit, it'd tear her in half.

Another reason why my life fucking sucked.

* * *

><p><strong>Was anyone else as naive as our dear Edward at that age?<strong>

**RG**


	51. Chapter 51 EPOV

**I know some of you are annoyed with Edward, hell I am too. BUT he's got a lot to learn about life, even more so than our Ang and Bella.**

**I own nothin'.**

* * *

><p>PART TWO : CONFESSIONS OF A LOST BOY<p>

* * *

><p>CHAPTER 51<p>

Most people look towards graduation day with excitement for the future.

Not in my case.

It was more of an execution date.

The day my life ends.

Not begins like my peers.

I've been accepted to many schools, but like my father I'll be attending Columbia University in New York city.

I should be excited about going to a major city, right?

Well, nope. I'm not.

Tanya has decided to follow me to New York.

I feel utterly and completely suffocated.

I sigh and look at Isabella who has begun her speech.

I wonder where she's going to college?

She seemed to avoid answering the question each time I asked.

After she finished her speech Mr. Banner starts reading names and handing out diplomas.

When Mr. Banner gets to Angela Webber, she stumbles across the stage and grabs the microphone from him.

She's one of the last students to collect her diploma, so we're all sitting down waiting to hear what the town's minister's daughter has to say.

"Hello peers, As many of you know, my name is Angela Webber." She starts, "Well, I have something to say to my fellow class and the parents before us."

I hadn't spoken to Angela much, well ever.

Looking back now, I can't believe all the time I've wasted on people who soon will become irrelevant.

I bet she knew what Isabella's plans were after today.

Hell, I bet they planned on going to school together.

It was completely irrational, but she was another person atop of the list of people I was jealous of.

The good minister's daughter…seriously Cullen?

"Well, for the first time in my life, I'm 18, and I can say fuuuuuuuucccccckkkkk yooooooouuuuu!" She screams out into the microphone.

Silence.

Nothing but silence.

I can hear several gasp from the shocked mothers.

Papers rustling.

But it's nothing but silence.

The minster's daughter just told the entire town of Forks 'fuck you'…. the _minister's_ daughter….

Now, I can't say I know Angela, what so ever.

But I know her enough.

Much like myself, heavy expectations were laid upon her.

Isabella too.

They were always so prim and proper…..

And she told the entire town to pretty much go fuck themselves…..

She's my fuckin' hero.

* * *

><p>One more part two chapter.<p>

RG


	52. Chapter 52 EPOV

**Sorry the updates are not coming as quick as normal. Sadly, my laptop is about to die a horrible death. I've had problems for awhile with it and I can't get a new one until January. So if I go MIA, it's more than likely because of that. I'm so getting an IMac... screw you Dell...anywho,  
><strong>

**This has a real good chance of being my first fic to make it to 1K+ reviews...SO I've decided I want to do something special for all of you who made that possible. I was thinking of giving you an early outtake, more than likely prom night in BPOV. It will be a regular chapter, not drabble style. What do you think?**

**BTW, last Part Two chapter!**

**I own nothin'.**

* * *

><p>PART TWO : CONFESSIONS OF A LOST BOY<p>

* * *

><p>CHAPTER 52<p>

I should have known that appearances were deceiving.

I mean, I of all people should have known that.

I know what it's like to be judged because of who I am and where I come from.

So why does it surprise me that Angela is nothing like we all assumed?

I never in my wildest dreams imagined she would be on a stage telling people to suck her dick...

Never ever.

As I sat there, slack jawed listening to Angela rant about Mike Newton's tiny dick and Lauren's incompetence, it was apparent I didn't know anything about anyone.

If someone like Angela could steer clear of the path she was put on…

Then could I?

Her speech gave me hope that maybe I could change the direction I'm heading in.

Maybe then I'll be a better man.

A man who Isabella could fall in love with.

Emmett plops down next to me breaking me from my thoughts.

"I think I'm in love." Em sighs with a dreamy look on his face.

_What the fuck?_

"What?" I ask in disbelief.

My playboy brother doesn't do 'love' or even relationships.

"Mark my words, I'm gonna marry that girl someday." He says tilting his head towards where Isabella and Angela hastily make their escape.

Wait just a second here…..

"You better not mean Isabella. She's mine."

That's right, I saw her first.

"I meant Angela you moron. Isn't she marvelous?" He sighs like a lovesick fool. "And what do you mean _yours_? Tanya is _yours_, or did you forget?"

"I'm aware, but that doesn't mean I want you sticking your paws into her. She's gonna be my girl someday, just you wait and see."

Huh…..out of all the strange things that's happened today, that should surprise me, but it does.

Angela is so different from the type of girl my brother usually goes for.

But then again, it seems I don't really know what type of girl Angela is.

"I should have known." He laughs to himself. "It's always the quiet ones."

"What?" I ask completely lost on what he's talking about.

"Ya know…. the quiet ones." He says as if that explains everything. Wiggling his eyebrows, he leans in and whispers, "The quiet ones are freaks in the sheets."

"Hmmm. Really?"

He just nods his head staring at the back of Angela's head as she disappears into the back of black car.

* * *

><p><strong>I hope that you won't be too upset, but not every couple will be cannon... I've always loved Angela with Emmett. Plus, I have fuckawesome plans for Rosalie ;) She will be introduced into the mix sometime in Part Three.<strong>

**I'll start part three if not tomorrow sometime this weekend.**

**RG**


	53. Chapter 53 Outtake 1

**Here is the first outtake. I said I'd give it to you guys once we reached 1K reviews, and much to my astonishment, it has reached that…. Thank you to Zom-bie-h00r who I believe was the 1000th review. I know I've said it before, but I seriously didn't think this would get as big as it has….. 25 chapters ago we barely passed the 300 mark, so just thank you to anyone who's reviewed or rec'd this. This is my thank you to all of you who have supported and reviewed or even given me any form of encouragement. I appreciate it more than you know.**

**Have I mentioned yet that Ang is inspired by someone I know? Well, yeah one of my best friends in high school was very much like our Ang. Only her father wasn't a minister. Her family were huge church freaks though. Most of this is based on my own actual experiences.**

**I own nothing.**

* * *

><p>It's Always The Quiet Ones - Revelations<p>

* * *

><p>Outtake 1 - Prom Night<p>

The days leading up to prom night all passed by in a blur. I was barely even aware that it was prom night. Thinking back to the previous weeks it was probably because I was in the zone….. The Edward Cullen zone.

I was obsessed. I'll admit it.

I as an addict, grasping at anything he'd give me.

The conversations we had over at the hospitals were my _second_ favorite time of the day.

Only second to my daily _playtime_.

Of course, my playtime was always better after spending all afternoon in his presence.

His smell and the sound of his laughter linger in my memory only enhancing my O.

Anyway, back on topic, I was consumed in all things Edward Cullen. It saddened me to know that in less than a weeks time I wouldn't be seeing him or talking to him anymore. I knew that once we got to college things would change. Of course people would always say they'd stay in touch, but for my sanity, I had to let go.

Right now, I wasn't sure who I really was. I wanted to go to college with no regrets or expectations, and I feared my feelings for Edward would hold me back. It was clear we made great friends, but on the other hand it was seemingly obvious that _that_ was all we would ever be.

I couldn't live in the what ifs, or shadows anymore.

I was in a place where I realized I deserved better.

And I knew Edward Cullen would only ever pull me back to the dark side.

When did everything become so difficult?

I wanted to go back to when my biggest decision was apple or orange juice, or my Spiderman or Batman lunch box.

When the hell did emotions and this other shit come into play?

I guess it would have to have been when hormones started coming to play.

They fuck everything up. _Seriously_. Once hormones became a factor my life became completely sex-sessed.

It was all I thought about, and it ruined everything.

I could remember a time where these things didn't matter. Would we ever go back to that?

Ang and I were dancing around in our underwear. She bought me some Run DMC under roos, and she had Snoop Dogg ones.

Yeah, we're that fuckin' dope.

We were getting down to It's Tricky when Jake came in and joined in on our fun. Seriously, who wanted to wear some sparkly fucking dress with a scratchy corsage, when you could be dancing around in your underwear with your two best friends? Not these bitches.

"What are the plans for tonight." Jake asked when the song ended.

"We're kinda just playing it by ear." Ang said, shrugging her shoulders. All I knew was that we were not going anywhere near the school or Mike Newton's house. I had enough of these assholes.

I was ready to roll out to Texas.

I should probably stop listening to gangster rep while I'm at it.

"Let's go to the res, Jared and Sam are having a bonfire." Jake suggested flopping down on my bed.

"Sweeeeet." Ang and I replied at the same time.

Throwing on some jeans we headed out towards the reservation. I was curious about how Jake would handle being on the res since all this shit with his sperm donor went down. Of course, my best friend took everything in stride. I could tell he was a bit hesitant, consider how judgmental all these fuckers were, but Jared, Sam, Embry, and Quil were all great guys.

Once we arrived the bonfire was already in full swing. Embry handed Ang and I a red cup full of who knows what. It stung a little going down, but with each sip, the sting lessened. It didn't take long for a buzz to form. Whatever this shit was it was _aweeessooome_.

I knew we were completely trashed when Paul and Ang went off in a rap battle….Yep, my Angela the good mister's daughter was rapping. She'd changed some of the lyrics, but that fact that she was rapping the notorious B.I.G was epic. Have I mentioned that my best friend is the shit? 'Cause yeah, she's my number one bitch.

"_To all the fella in the place with style and graceAllow me to lace these lyrical duches in your bushesWho rock grooves and make moves with all the homies?From the back of the res, sippin Moonshine, is where you'll find meThe back of the res, mackin hoes, my crew's behind meMad question askin, blunt passin, music blastinBut I just can't quitBecause one of these homies Anggie got ta creep withSleep with, keep the ep a secret why notWhy blow up my spot cause we both got hotNow check it, I got more Mack than Jake, and in the bedBelieve me sweetie I got enough to feed the needyNo need to be greedy I got mad friends with Benz'sC-notes by the layers, true fuckin playersJump in Big Red and come overtell your friends jump in the bed, I got the chronic by the tree" _

Paul didn't even hesitate to finish off the second verse, this time switching to a Dr. Dre song. After they finished with our small crowd going wild with applause, we all sat around the fire. Paul pulled a small baggie out as he and Ang rolled up something. My thoughts were all scattered as time progressed. Whatever was in the cup worked it's magic.

As whatever it was they rolled up was passed around, it didn't take long for all of us to get higher than a kite. I'd smoked a little here and there, but whatever they did to the stuff here on the res took it to a whole other level. Maybe it was the combination of that and the alcohol, but I felt like I had taken the ultimate hallucinogen.

"I have to piss!" Ang shouted jumping up and down doing the pee dance. Looking at her she reminded me of Sue during tribal bonfires. I laughed loudly causing everyone to look at me. Yeah, I don't think I could explain it quite as good as it was in my head.

"Lets go then." Jake said picking me up and throwing me over his shoulder. Ang skipped along to the car.

I wondered why Ang and I were completely fucked up and Jake appeared barely even buzzed…

Jake put me in the back seat as Ang climbed in the front. We we're driving when all a sudden Ang yelled "Stop!" causing Jake to slam on the brakes.

"I haves to pee, right now." Ang said climbing out of the car.

"Hey, isn't this Mike Newton's house?" Jake asked me.

Lifting my head up I looked around and sure enough, we were stopped in front of Mike Newton's house.

"Holy shit, she's pissing on his door step." Jake giggled. "Oh my fucking god this is classic."

Ang finished her business and hoped back in the car. "I need food like stat."

"Mmm, me too. I want egg rolls." I moaned thinking about the delicious egg rolls at Mr. Chows. It was the only Chinese restaurant anywhere near Forks and it had an all you can eat buffet.

"Oh, I concur." Ang pleaded with Jake.

"Alright, alright." Jake laughed as he turned the car around towards Port Angeles. "Mr. Chows it is."

**~*.revelations.*~**

After paying for our meal Ang and I ran to the buffet. I grabbed two plates and filled them to the max with various goodies. I wasn't sure what half the shit was, but it smelled delicious.

After stuffing our faces we kind of just sat back and let it settle before making our way back up to the buffet. Several trips later Mr. Chow was pointing at us with an egg roll. He was a small little man with a heavy accent… it was freakin' hilarious. I started giggling.

"You no laugh little girl. You pay once. You eat all my food. Sit here hours. Only pay once." He yelled, pointing his egg roll at us with every word.

Ang stood up, throwing her chair back, "This is ridiculous! I give you money, I eat! It says all you can eat on the door, bitch!"

"That's false advertisement!" Jake added, stuffing his face with more rice. He kind of reminded me of a chipmunk.

"What they said." I shouted, nodding along.

"Yous no welcome here no more!" Mr. Chow shouted, grabbing our plates off the table.

Grabbing the entire tray of egg rolls off the buffet Ang made a dash to car, Mr. Chow chasing us as we followed.

"You no come back. You eat too much, only pay once. No come back ever!" Mr. Chow shouted as Jake stepped on the gas.

* * *

><p><strong>First chapter of Part Three to follow, and hopefully more this weekend. It has depends on if my laptop cooperates with me.<strong>

**I'd like to mention that for some reason unkown to me, this has been nominated for a EIGHT awards….*crickets chirp*….. I don't even know what to say. Thank you barely suffices…. I'm not going to beg you to vote but if you'd like to go to shortnsweetawards (dot) blogspot (dot) com ; just remember to remove the spaces and place dot's where it says dot's :] You have until November 26 to vote. I think the only nomination I have a shot at winning is Most Creative Title. Even I'd vote for that one.**

**Hopefully no more super long author notes…..**

**RG**


	54. Chapter 54

**PART THREE**

**Well, hello there. Any 100 Monkeys fans? Well, this part is semi inspired by their song Wandering Mind. Check it out if you've never listened to it (:**

**Follow me on twitter roslyngrey**

**Remember we're back to Bella's POV.**

**I own nothing.**

* * *

><p>Part Three : Confessions of a Wandering Mind<p>

_Well you always had a goal, and you always had a plan. And if you had the control, then I'll never understand._

* * *

><p>Chapter 54<p>

On the way out of Forks I asked Ang to pull over so we could get some supplies for our journey.

A marble notebook and purple pen caught my attention.

I wanted to get my thoughts written down, and maybe give it a go at actually writing again.

Plus, I wanted to look back on this adventure with my best friend and not forget anything.

The good, that bad, the darn right ugly.

I wanted to remember where I came from and how I got to where I was going.

So all along the journey to Austin, I wrote anything, and everything that came to mind.

I wrote about my day.

Fantasies I'd had.

Random poetry that would come to mind.

Random plot and story outlines.

As I sit in my dorm room looking at it .I wonder if I've ever had A.D.D

But I was right, it was a good documentation of everything.

Ang stumbled across the part about my fantasies and suggested trying my hand at fan fiction.

Over the past few years we had become obsessed, but never had either of us written our own pieces.

I thought, what the hell I mean what harm can come from this.

Looking back, that little marble notebook and purple pen would forever change my life.

* * *

><p><strong>Anyone guess how that changes her life? I bet you'll never get it exactly right :) but I'd love to hear your theories.<strong>

**Part three will show case important moments, and likely move along pretty quickly.**

**Hopefully I'll be able to give you a few more chapters this weekend. Pray for my laptop.**

**RG**


	55. Chapter 55

**These chapters will be short and move along pretty fast. Remember I said I'd focus on key moments. I'm not going to dwell on little things here and there, just things that get us to the end goal.**

**I own nothing.**

* * *

><p>Part Three : Confessions of a Wandering Mind<p>

* * *

><p>Chapter 55<p>

Over the summer I spent my days with Ang exploring Texas.

Believe it or not, I had thrown out the sweaters…. It was way too hot to wear them.

It felt strange leaving behind something I had used as a security blanket for so long.

This was what I wanted though.

Things were changing, slowly but surely.

I noticed that Ang and I branched out a bit and for the first time made friends outside of our circle.

Our days were spent going to museums, parks, and shopping.

While at night we'd visit cafes and bars.

The night life of Austin had instantly won us over.

I'd always been a huge fan of all sorts of music, but discovering something new for the first time live…..

Was something I never even dreamed of.

At the end of the day I'd write everything down in my notebook, and then later turn it into a story.

I took Ang's advice and posted a story on fan fiction.

I loved the anonymity of it.

Being able to say how I really felt for the first time, without any reservations.

What amazed me more, was how often people would tell me the felt the same, but never had the balls to admit it out loud.

I could relate in a way, because I never spoke up.

Girls shouldn't talk about sex and masturbation.

And while I didn't preach about it at open mic night, it was freeing to be able to speak my thoughts in some way for the first time.

Much to my surprise, my story was a hit.

I didn't think anyone would read it, let alone comment on it.

So when I received an email from a publishing company, I was completely baffled.

I didn't know whose life I had been living, but I never wanted it to end.

Moving to Texas for college was one of the best things I ever did.

* * *

><p><strong>I believe our lovely Rose we be introduced in the next chapter (:<strong>

**I hope to post a few more chapters throughout the day.  
><strong>

**Any of you ready for a makeover yet? She's shed the sweaters, but now lets work on everything else...**

**RG**


	56. Chapter 56

**Those of you wondering about E+B interaction, I've yet to decide if it will happen in this part or the next. I know how it will happen, but I'm still working out the kinks. It'll happen after Bella is more secure in her own skin.  
><strong>

**Well, if you followed me on twitter, you more than likely have seen the new banner I made for this featuring our Angie, Bella, and introducing what I imagine Rose to look like. I love Nikki Reed, but I have something else in mind for this Rosalie.**

**BTW, I now have a girl crush on Christian Serratos. I didn't realize how cute she was! Seriously, google her if you haven't.**

**Also, this is a 'surprise' chapter. Again, if you're not following me on twitter, you're missing out. It's in Rose POV (: back to Bella next.**

**I own nothing.**

* * *

><p><strong>Part Three : Confessions of a Wandering Mind<strong>

* * *

><p>Chapter 56<p>

Rosalie's POV

Being a woman in man's world has it disadvantages.

We're expected to be Betty Crocker housewives. Stay home, cook, clean, raise children.

Rinse, dry, repeat.

We're not expected to have opinions or even taken seriously when we state them.

Growing up in bumfuck Georgia, my parents raised me with these simple minded views.

I remember when my mother would lecture me about a woman's responsibility, I would think what the hell is this shit she's spewing?

When did she give up?

It's not the 1950's anymore, women have rights.

I never wanted that life.

While most girls wanted to be pageant queens, I wanted to be a vampire.

I have nothing against being a house wife, but at the same time I want more out of life.

That's why I moved to Los Angeles right after I turned 18 and formed Jar of Hearts Entertainment.

My goal was to support women with similar beliefs.

15 years later, I'd made a company I was proud of.

A few indie bands, several author's who had made the New York Times Best selling list, even a pop star.

But I'd yet to find the right person, who had the same vision as I had.

So when my assistant Jane stumbled upon a story called 'Confessions of a Virgin' on a fan fiction site, I knew I had to meet with the author.

Her hormone angst ridden world was what I had been searching for my entire life.

_I'd analyzed the frays of his hair, imagined every which way I could pull them as I rode his face. The bronze locks calling me from across the room. Begging for my touch. Please oh please, let me fuck your face?_

Each sentence was a little gem.

Honest with a sense of integrity that wasn't found in this business.

It was classy in a way Chelsea Handler would never be.

It was like they voiced every thought I'd ever had, but only was programmed to keep to myself.

I couldn't believe that no matter how much I fought to escape my simple minded small town upbringing, it still crept back in.

Girls didn't talk like that….. I knew they thought about it, but they didn't talk about it.

We were considered whores to do such a thing.

_Dear Bmoney,_

_We had come across your lovely fic 'Confessions of a Virgin' through the recommendation of several colleagues and wish to meet with you regarding the possibilities of publishing some of your work. If you could email us back or call to set up an appointment at your convenience we would appreciate it._

_Thank you for your time._

_R.L Hale C.E.O of Jar of Hearts Entertainment_

_After firing off I quick email, I sat back and continued to read._

* * *

><p><strong>How would you guys feel about a little Emmett and Ang pov? They wont get their own part, I can't say more than that without giving anything away.<strong>

_**RG**  
><em>


	57. Chapter 57

**I've been told multiple times to get a Beta, and we'll I was wondering if anyone was willing to offer up their services?**

**I hope everyone had a safe and happy Thanksgiving... I'm still recovering from it. I had to work :(**

**I own nothing.**

* * *

><p>Part Three : Confessions of a Wandering Mind<p>

* * *

><p>Chapter 57<p>

_Dear Bmoney,_

_We had come across your lovely fic 'Confessions of a Virgin' through the recommendation of several colleagues and wish to meet with you regarding the possibilities of publishing some of your work. If you could email us back or call to set up an appointment at your convenience we would appreciate it._

_Thank you for your time._

_R.L Hale C.E.O of Jar of Hearts Entertainment_

Ang and I sat in front of my laptop for about 2 hours just staring at the email from this R.L Hale person.

Could it even be legit?

Why the hell would someone want to_ publish_ me….. I mean, I've barely even started college!

What could I possibly know about writing a book?

People wouldn't even read the shit I write.

After coming to the conclusion that this was either some horrible prank or this R.L Hale person was off their rocker, we researched Jar of Hearts Entertainment.

I was quite surprised to see it was in fact a _legit_ company.

They had a few author's published that I had read before.

And even a couple singer's I had in my ipod.

After sending back an email, Ang and I decided to order a pizza and have a girls night in.

**~*confessions*~**

The next day I had received an email back from Jar of Hearts.

By the following day I had a meeting set up to talk over a possible contract with a representative.

I knew things would change when Ang and I decided to move to Texas.

I had no idea how much or how fast they would though…

It had been a little over six months since we had left Forks.

And nothing was the same anymore.

* * *

><p><strong>I know the posting hasn't been the same, but it's been a busy couple of weeks. I'm sorries :]<strong>

**The meeting will be next, and then I'm thinking of giving you either an Emmett or Ang chapter before a time jump.**

**See you soon (:**

**RG**


	58. Chapter 58

**Hello again (: IT'S THE MAKEOVER CHAPTER!**

**I own nothing.**

* * *

><p>Part Three : Confessions of a Wandering Mind<p>

* * *

><p>Chapter 58<p>

I'll always remember the day January 17th.

It was the day I met the woman who would change my life irrecoverably.

R.L Hale or Rosalie was… probably the most beautiful thing I had _ever_ seen.

When I went to the diner I was supposed to meet the Jar of Hearts representative, I wasn't sure what I was expecting.

Maybe a man in a suit.

But sitting in the booth was a blonde tattooed pin up goddess.

Her beauty was something I didn't expect.

Sure, was was blonde, but you could tell she was an intelligent kindhearted woman.

I think that was what I found so attractive about her.

And maybe the way she carried herself.

She knew she was beautiful, but she didn't look down upon those around her.

She was wearing black pants with suspenders, a white tank top, and red high heels.

It was so simple. So, so fucking simple.

But as I said, I'd never seen a more beautiful person.

I was a bit intimidated, but Rose as she preferred to be called, was an angel.

An angel who said fuck every other word, but an angel none the less.

"I don't care what the fuck I need to do, but I fucking want you. You're everything I've been searching for, and everything I ever fucking wanted."

What does one say in response to that?

**~*confessions*~**

A week later Rose had flown Ang and I out to Los Angeles to sign a contract.

I needed Ang there for moral support.

Upon arriving at the hotel, Rose informed us to be ready to meet her in the lobby.

"You're probably the most beautiful woman I've ever laid eyes on, but honey, you need to flaunt it. You have tits and an ass I'd die for. All these Hollywood bitches pay thousands to have what your momma gave you and you hide it. Well today is the first day of the rest of your life." Rose said, stuffing a shell shocked Ang and I into her pink Escalade.

_I knew she was an angel._

**~*confessions*~**

After getting primed and plucked.

Waxed and highlighted.

I couldn't recognize the woman in the mirror.

It was me, but _not_ me.

My hair was shinier and framed my face.

It only enhanced everything.

For the first time I think in my entire life, I felt the woman looking back at me in the mirror was... _beautiful_.

They hadn't caked on the makeup, so I wondered how I'd never seen it before... Was this really me?

"See, you have that natural beauty. Now lets get you some clothing that fits." Rose said before looking back at Ang, "I know you have that innocent kitten thing goin' on, but we're gonna unleash your inner Bridgette Bardot's. It's a wonder what a pair of killer heals and sexy underwear does for a woman."

* * *

><p><strong>I didn't get too detailed, because really who needs that? BUT it should satisfy your curiosity. I don't think she needs to be altered too much, it's all about how you carry yourself.<strong>

**An Emmett chapter next (: Probably tomorrow?**

**RG**


	59. Chapter 59

**If you followed me on twitter you know I haven't update in awhile because my mom has been in the hospital. Don't know how often I'll be able to write, but I'd like to finish this by January 1. Thanks to those of you who reached out to me, I appreciate it!**

**On a brighter note, this little thing for some reason won TWO awards!** Best Humor Drabble **and** Best Bella shortnsweetawards(DOT)blogspot(DOT)com

I am beyond flattered that anyone voted first of all, and secondly that you felt my Bella was the best...god, if I could I'd send you all a giant Edward peen to make you as happy as you've made me.

**Thanks to **Breath-of-twilight** for beta-ing this and making it all sparkly clean!**

**I own nothing.**

* * *

><p>Part Three : Confessions of a Wondering Mind<p>

* * *

><p>Chapter 59<p>

**Emmett's POV  
><strong>

It's been nearly two years with no sign of my _wifey_.

I'd searched everywhere I could think of.

Who in this day and age didn't have Facebook?

No one I'd talk to even knew where she went.

It was as if she vanished into thin air.

After I finished college, I spent about six months trying to figure out what the hell to do with my degree.

Eventually, I got tired of the shit and just missed Mom., So, I headed back home.

Living with Mom and Dad again wasn't what I had in mind, but I just needed to get my shit together.

And maybe, I was sort of, _ya know_, hoping to find something that would bring me closer to my _wifey_.

**~*.confessions.*~**

I had been jogging along the shore at First Beach when I could hear shouting over my headphones.

Two guys started attacking another guy, knocking him to the ground.

Kicking him in the ribs.

Shouting vulgar things.

What shocked me most was that the dude just took it.

He was a big guy, too.

"Hey! Back the fuck off!" I shouted, pushing one guy away while placing myself between the guy and his attackers.

"Whatever, like this flamer is worth it." One guy said, sneering at us before they both took off.

"Hey man, you alright?" I asked, offering the dude my hand.

"Is anything ever right?" He mumbled, taking my hand. Brushing the sand off of himself, he gave me a quiet thanks.

"No problem, man. You shouldn't let those assholes push you around. I'm Emmett, by the way."

"Jacob, Jacob Black." He said, shaking my hand.

* * *

><p><strong>BROMANCE! This is going to be so fun to write... I'm giddy as hell just thinking of all the possibilities ;)<br>**

**Things are starting to fall into place. Can you see it? I can (:**

**One more tonight.**

**RG**


	60. Chapter 60

**I'm just gonna rec what I've been reading for a few author notes the next few chapters. Earlier I rec'd **Blank Page **by** pineapplesrock **if you missed that, GO READ IT! I'm in love with it and it shocks me she's barely passed 300 reviews….**

**Another one I'm loving is **Secret Santa Swan Style **by **Isannah**. It's cute and quirky and absolutely adorable. **

**Thanks to **Breath-of-twilight** for beta-ing this and making it all sparkly clean!**

**I own nothing.**

* * *

><p>Part Three : Confessions of a Wondering Mind<p>

* * *

><p><strong>Emmett's POV<br>**

Chapter 60

"So what was that about?" I asked, although I had an idea.

"Being a gay man in this town isn't the easiest thing. Some people feel the need to express their dislike with their fists and my face," he said, as if it was something that was expected.

No fucking way should anyone expect to be beat up.

"I'm not exactly open about it, but we worked together;, they found out, and apparently they were not too happy about it," he continued, further pissing me off.

I couldn't even begin to see the point...So, he's gay. I'm a Libra; big fucking deal.

"Fuck them, dude."

"Well, now I'm unemployed, and that's the only garage within a hundred miles. What the fuck am I supposed to do now?"

Well, that's interesting.

I'd heard about Jacob, through the grapevine.

He was sort of a legend when it came to rebuilding cars.

There was no way someone wouldn't want him to work for them.

I was a firm believer in fate, and fate couldn't have knocked harder.

I, too, was unemployed, had a similar love for cars, and money just sitting in the bank from my inheritance.

"Let's get a cup of coffee. I have a proposition for you."

* * *

><p><strong>I may be able to update again tomorrow, but that's it for tonight.<strong>

**You're going to get Emmett's POV for a few more chapters or so then I'm gonna switch back to Bella or Angela's. **(I've yet to decide.)** There will be from a time jump.  
><strong>

**RG**


	61. Chapter 61

**I'm loving is **Secret Santa Swan Style **by **Isannah**. It's cute and quirky and absolutely adorable. Also, **Thy Will Be Done** by **natz1122** has great potential.  
><strong>

**Thanks to Breath-of-twilight for beta-ing this and making it all sparkly clean!**

**I own nothing.**

* * *

><p>Part Three : Confessions of a Wondering Mind<p>

* * *

><p><strong>Emmett's POV<strong>

Chapter 61

"I've heard of some of the work you've done rebuilding an Impala and Mustang. I don't know nearly as much about cars as some people, but those fuckers were top notch," I said, breaking into the subject.

Jake and I spent over two hours talking about cars and what we saw in the future.

Fate dropped something in my lap, and fuck if anyone was getting this opportunity before I could.

Jake was meant to rebuild cars, not change some old harpy's oil.

And to learn it was his father's garage that wasted his talent.

Well, fuck Billy Black.

This was exactly the golden opportunity that I had been searching for, and I had every intention of taking advantage of it.

"So, here's the deal; you have the talent, and I have the resources to start our own garage that would specializes in custom repairs and rebuilding cars," I stated, getting into all the facts about how fuckawesome this was going to be.

He seemed hesitant, didn't have the money to start his own garage, and didn't want to free load off me.

"Listen, think of it as a loan, an investment. I'll even get lawyers in here and make all this shit legit. Fifty, fifty."

After a bit more convincing, he finally saw the light and agreed to go into business with me.

"I do have one condition, and it will help put us on the map. My grandparents left me an 1958 Rolls Royce that needs a shit ton of work. We could fix it up and sort of use it as a reference, put it on display. I'll pay for all the parts; I just need you to make it pretty again."

"Let's do this," Jake said, smiling for the first time.

* * *

><p><strong>I'll hand write some more chapters this week and as soon as I get them back from my beta, I will post again. Things are starting to fall into place!<strong>

**Make sure to check out some of the fic's I rec'd. They're great fic's that need some lovin'! If you have read any of them, what do you think?**

**RG**


	62. Chapter 62

Maybe This Time** by **OzellaMarie** is deffinitly worth checking out. It has everything you could possibly desire from a fic. That and her Rosalie is kick ass. All of her stories, although unfinished, are worth checking out. Although it's only 4 chapters in, so far this one is my favorite.**

**Thanks to Breath-of-twilight for beta-ing this and making it all sparkly clean!**

**I own nothing.**

* * *

><p>Part Three : Confessions of a Wondering Mind<p>

* * *

><p><strong>Emmett's POV<strong>

Chapter 62

Jake and I had found the perfect property for the garage right by the police station.

After buying the building, it had to undergo some remolding that would take around three months before we could open the doors.

In the mean time, Jake and I worked on my Rolls Royce. Well, more like Jake worked as I just stared on in wonder. It was like watching a surgery or something.

I wondered if my dad's interns felt this way watching him perform surgery?

"Does it bother you?" Jake asked out of the blue.

"Does what bother me?"

"Me being gay?" he asked quietly.

"No, dude. Whatever yanks your chain," I replied with all sincerity.

"You're not worried I'm going to hit on you?"

"Well, I know I'm a sexy beast and utterly irresistible, but nah, man. Even if you were to hit on me it wouldn't matter," I said, knowing that what I said I meant. I hated that people made him feel like it wasn't okay to just be who he was. Flexing my biceps and wiggling my eyebrows, I added, "As I said, it's almost impossible to resist this."

"Shut the fuck up, Cullen," he replied, throwing an old rag at me.

"Plus, I'm spoken for. Hate to break your heart."

"I didn't know you had a girl..."

"Well, I don't, not technically anyways," I said, thinking about my wifey. _Where are you beautiful?_

"What's that supposed to mean?"

Sighing, I attempted to explain, "I met my dream girl, but then she just vanished."

"That sucks, dude. Anyone I know?"

"I don't think so..."

* * *

><p><strong>I think one more Emmett chapter... I'll let you have it on Sunday.<strong>

**I've left you some awesome rec's, now I want to know what else** you** are reading... anything good?**

**RG**


	63. Chapter 63

_Couple things_**: You guys are getting this today instead of tomorrow beacuse I completly forgot I had a birthday party to attened for my cousin. SO no update tomorrow. Also, my laptop has offically _died._ Screen cracked off because someone dropped it. Of course, no will own up to it. Anyways, the money I had saved had to go towards fixing my car, so who knows when I'll be able to buy a lap top now. I may just end up buying a cheap one for now... So updates will stay sporadic for now.**

** I love your reviews and the fact that most of the time I manage to surprise you guys. Usually what I plan to do is the opposite of what you guys are guessing. Emmett WILL be with Angela in this fic. I have plans for Rose that will be reveal _very_ soon.**

**Rec for this chapter:** The Single Game** by **AwesomeSauce76 **this is one of those fics that I check my inbox like a parnoid crack addict hoping for an update.**

**Thanks to **Breath-of-twilight** for beta-ing this and making it all sparkly clean!**

**I own nothing.**

* * *

><p>Part Three : Confessions of a Wondering Mind<p>

* * *

><p><strong>Emmett's POV<strong>

Chapter 63

About a month later, Jake received a frantic call from a friend of his in Texas.

After explaining to me that he had to go down there, I offered to drive.

We're bros now, ya know? I got his back and shit.

So, I drove down in record time while Jake sat in the passenger seat barely speaking a word.

"So, what's this all about?" I asked as we pulled up to a nice house just outside of Austin.

"I'm not sure. She barely made any sense," he said, unbuckling his seat belt as a beautiful distressed woman came running out of the house.

"Bells, what's wrong?" Jake asked as the woman attached herself to Jake.

"I don't know. She's crying nonstop and throwing shit. I'm really freaked the fuck out right now."

"Alright, let's get inside," he said as he let the woman down.

She was gorgeous.

Curves in every which direction. I wasn't even sure where to look first…

She wasn't wearing a lick of make up and her hair was tied up.

Simple. Classic. Jeans and a white tank top.

Hands down one of the most beautiful woman I'd ever seen.

Of course, wifey was hotter, but still.

Damn.

I couldn't help but notice that she looked somewhat familiar...

"Oh hey, this is my friend Emmett, as in Emmett _Cullen_, Bella," he said, turning to me as she shut the front door.

What an odd way to introduce someone...

"Emmett, this is my home girl Bella Swan."

Bella...Bella Swan...like..._wait a minute_.

"Chief Swan's daughter Bella Swan?" I asked, curiously.

"That would be me," she said, turning to me.

"No fucking way," I muttered. That means there was a possibility she could tell me where wifey was.

If anyone would know it would be her.

"Jake, everything is fucked up!" A less curvey brunette said also latching herself to Jake.

What is it with this dude..._two_ hot chicks just throwing themselves at him?

Not fair. Not. Fucking. Fair.

"Alright, what's wrong?" he asked as we made our way to the living room.

Once she unattached herself from Jake, I could see who the beauty was.

Out of all the possibilities, I never thought this was how we'd be reunited.

There, in my new best friend's arms, was my wifey.

"I think I'm pregnant," she mumbled.

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><p><strong>We're back to Bella next!<strong>

**RG**


	64. Chapter 64

**I told you updates would be scarce, and for that I'm sorry. I have no clue when I'll be able to get a new laptop, so for now updates will continue to be scarce.**

**I hope everyone had a good a new year!**

**This chapter is unbeta'd so please excuse any mistakes… I just wanted to get this out to you as soon as I could.**

**I own nothing.**

* * *

><p>Part Three : Confessions of a Wondering Mind<p>

* * *

><p><em>Back to Bella's POV<em>

Chapter 64

I had known that Ang was acting Lindsay Lohan crazy this past week, but never once did I come to this conclusion in my mind.

_I think I'm pregnant._

Yeah, I didn't see this coming….

The past year had been full of all sorts of changes, but I don't think Ang or myself was in a position to care for a mini human at this point.

Ang looked at each of us as we stood by completely frozen by her admission before bursting into tears.

I felt like shit, like I was a horrible best friend.

When Jake came out I knew just what to say, but here, I was clueless.

I never thought we'd be in this position…. Ya know, the possibility of being a young mother….

"Are you not entertained! Are you not entertained! Is this not why you are here!" I said out of no where.

Like I wanted, Ang had stopped crying but now everyone was staring at me.

"Did you just quote Gladiator?" Emmett asked, looking at me curiously.

"Yeah Bells, what the fuck?" Jake said in amazement.

"What? It was the first thing I could think of!" I said defensively. "It's not like you and thing two had anything better to say."

"I always hated Russell Crowe." Ang mumbled in between sniffles.

"Yeah, he's a douche lord." Emmett added, looking back at Angela in amazement.

"That's besides the point, and while I agree we have other matters we need to attend to." Jake said, taking us out of discussion. "Did you pee on one of those piss sticks yet?"

"No, I'm too scared." Ang mumbled, breaking into tears again. "I'm gonna be a horrible mom, It'd be like the most ironic punishment. The world fucking hates me!"

Emmett rushed to the couch to comfort her as she continued to wail.

"I don't know what to do with a fucking child! I mean look at my fucking fucked up childhood and how fucked up my parents were…. How the hell would I know what to do." She said with a quivering lip.

"It's gonna be alright wifey." Emmett said pulling Ang in her arms.

"No it's not." She said like a stubborn child. "I have to show you something."

We all followed Ang as she led us to her bedroom. She opened the door hesitantly breaking into tears again.

Walking into her bedroom I swear I heard the theme song from Psycho….. Looking left to right…..

"What the fuck is this Ang?" I asked, curiously.

"I killed nemo!" She wailed as Emmett took her in his arms again. "I keep killing nemo! I can't keep a damn fish alive, how am I going to keep a human being alive!"

There were fish bowls everywhere with a dead fish in each bowl….. Easily twenty bowls of dead fishies surrounded her room.

"Holy fucking shit…." Jake mumbled.

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><p><strong>I hope this tides you over until next time.<strong>

**RG**


	65. Chapter 65

**Silly reviewers. You guys get ahead of yourselves sometimes. BUT I love you none the less. I was surprised people are still following this story. Thank you for all your reviews.**

**Again this chapter is not beta'd. I want to get it to you sooner, so please excuse my mistakes. I'm gonna work on getting some chapters done in advance for my beta to look it. It's all a matter of having access to a computer right now.**

**This chapter may offend some of you. I'm sorry if it does. Just remember this is fiction, not my actual thoughts.**

**I own nothing. Still nothing.**

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><p>Part Three : Confessions of a Wondering Mind<p>

* * *

><p>Chapter 65<p>

BPOV

"What the…. Ang, what the fuck is this?" Jake stuttered looking at the horror bowls in Ang's room.

That was a fairly good question.

Had I been in better mind, I myself would have asked the same thing.

"I killed them. All of them." Ang said softly while in the comfort of Emmett's arms.

She kept looking at him strangely before looking back at the fish bowls and crying all over again.

"Why did you feel the need to murder all of Ariel's little friends?" I asked gaining my voice back.

"Well, about a week ago I suspected that I may be preggers and freaked the fuck out. As I said, I wouldn't know a thing about raising a kid. So I figured I'd do the egg experiment, ya know? The one they usually do in high school? Well, as you remember we both tested out of that class and never got to do the experiment. So I went and bought a carton of eggs and decided I'd do the experiment myself. How hard could it be? It's a only a little egg. Well, then I got home and was hungry as fuck, so I made myself an omelet or two. Low and behold, before I knew what was going on all the eggs were gone. I killed them too. As I drove back to the grocery store to get more eggs I noticed this cute little doggy in the pet store, so I went to say hello to it. As I was on my way out I saw the fishies. I figured, hey it'd be better than the egg because they're already alive." She finished with a huff.

In hindsight, I suppose her reasoning made sense… but fish were different than people….

"Ang, it's alright. They're just little fishies, I'm sure you'd do better with an actual human being." I said like the fuckawesome friend I was.

"Well, duh….. But I don't know anyone that has kids to practice with. I called an orphanage explaining my situation, but the nuns scared the fuck out of me. Then I tried to buy one of those sad Ethiopian kids on T.V, but when I asked how much shipping would be, the bitch hung up on me." She said with all seriousness, "If homeless and sad people wont let me take care of their kids, how the fuck am I supposed to trust myself?"

"You tried to buy a child from Ethiopia?" Jake gasped in horror.

"Yeah, but they _still _wouldn't tell me how much the shipping would be." She huffed falling back into Emmett's embrace.

"This is all sorts of fucked up." I mumbled falling into a heap on the floor. "We still need to get you some piss sticks."


	66. Chapter 66

_It's important that you read this author's note:_

**I'm really sorry about the lack of updates. I swear if it's not one thing it's another. Recently my mother passed away and I'm finding it difficult to do anything really. Sometimes I feel so hopeless and don't want to read or write, and then others it's like I can't contain the inspiration when it hits. I'm trying as hard as I can to continue through with how I originally saw this, but I'm not in a happy glass half full frame of mind. That may affect when I do update this because I'm finding it difficult to stick to how I envisioned this, but I'm not giving up. Just bear with me.**

**ALSO, I've got several reviews wondering about Edward and if this will even turn out to be an Edward and Bella fic….. In regards to those questions yes it will be and I've laid the groundwork, can you honestly **_**not **_**see it?**

**Huge thank you to **Breath-of-twilight **for being an awesome beta and making sense of the messes I send her.**

**I own nothing.**

* * *

><p>Part Three : Confessions of a Wondering Mind<p>

* * *

><p>Chapter 66<p>

"Who are you?" Ang asked Emmett, looking up at him from under his arm.

We decided to grab a bite to eat after picking up some pregnancy tests from the pharmacy.

"I'm Emmett," he replied dreamily.

It was kinda cute. It also made me want to gag because it was cute overload.

"As in Emmett _Cullen_," Jake said in a sing song voice.

Ang gasped, looking at Emmett curiously before leaning in to whisper, "As in 'he who shall not be named Cullen' _Cullen_?" Ang asked, raising an eyebrow at me.

I have no clue why she tried lowing her voice, we all heard her.

"Jesus, he's not fucking _Voldemort,_ you ass monkies," I replied shaking my head. Why I chose to associate with these crazies is beyond me. "You can say his fucking name."

"Your brother is Edward?" Ang asked Emmett curiously.

"Yeah, why?" Emmett replied hesitantly, clenching his fists.

"Oh, no reason," Ang said, leaning back with her arms across her chest.

Fuck, no matter what, I just couldn't escape him.

No man I'd ever been with or dated could compare.

Which was sort of all kind of fucked up.

Since all of my encounters with Edward were all of my imagination and what not.

"Alrighty then… " Em said confused. "What's going on, you don't _like _him, do you?" he spat the word like as if it were something sinister.

"Oh no, it's just that he ruins our Bella's panties on a regular basis," she replied with a certain glint in her eyes.

"Duh nu. Duh nu… Duh nu, duh nu, duh nu," I sang, mimicking the theme song from Jaws. "Shut the fuck up."

"Seriously?" Emmett asked, turning to me with an amused expression.

"I don't know what you're talking about," I answered, making a show of zipping my lips.

I added another sugar packet to my now cold cup of nasty coffee before finishing it off, then adding, "Besides, I don't wear panties for him to ruin."

Emmett ending up sputtering his orange juice in mine and Jake's face.

* * *

><p><strong>I have 5 more chapters ready to go that I will spring on you throughout the week.<strong>

**I'm working on my next fic, which I hope to post soon. Is anyone willing to make me a banner? Or a know someone who will?**

**RG**


	67. Chapter 67

**Thank you guys for all your understanding and support.**

**Here's a rec for you: **Our Broken Road **by **BoysNBooksRBetter** I'm growing addicted to this where every time I see alerts for new chapters I hope there is one for this fic. It's a bit angsty and tragic in a way. But it's honest and real and I recommend you give it a try. And leave it some lovin' , it's kind of lonely.**

**Huge thank you to **Breath-of-twilight **for being an awesome beta and making sense of the messes I send her.**

**I own nothing.**

* * *

><p>Part Three : Confessions of a Wondering Mind<p>

* * *

><p>Chapter 67<p>

"It's positive," I said, looking at Ang sitting on my bed in Emmett's arms.

"Fuck," she mumbled, snuggling deeper into Emmett. "Well, I guess this changes things."

I Knew _that_.

There were so many things to consider now.

What she was going to do.

Where we are going to live.

Fuck, telling Charlie. I did not want to be in the vicinity of _that _conversation.

I knew that no matter what I'd support her, and since meeting Rose, both of our careers had taken off.

So, we literally wouldn't have to worry about anything no matter what we chose to do.

"Well, where do we go from here, Ang?" I asked, pulling a chair up.


	68. Chapter 68

**This was supposed to be part of the last chapter but for whatever reason it got cut off. I figured putting it up as it's own instead of adding it to the last chapter would be less confusing.**

**Here's a rec for you: **Our Broken Road **by **BoysNBooksRBetter** I'm growing addicted to this where every time I see alerts for new chapters I hope there is one for this fic. It's a bit angsty and tragic in a way. But it's honest and real and I recommend you give it a try.**

**Huge thank you to **Breath-of-twilight **for being an awesome beta and making sense of the messes I send her.**

**I own nothing.**

* * *

><p>Part Three : Confessions of a Wondering Mind<p>

* * *

><p>Chapter 68<p>

"I can't ask you to give up your dreams, Bella," she said, looking at my comforter like it held all the answers.

I wasn't sure what she expected, but it had always been her and I, no matter what.

She was my brotha from another mother.

"I'm not giving up anything. I'm only gaining something new. That's my nephew or niece in there and I intend to be right there with you throughout all this. Who else do you expect to be the world's best aunt?" I said with all seriousness. "Plus, college kind of sucks ass."

"Yeah, it does. It's stupid going to school to do what we're already getting paid to do," Ang added.

"Word."

* * *

><p><strong>The next few ones are a bit longer, and YES Edward and Bella WILL end up together.<strong>

**RG**


	69. Chapter 69

**We're moving right along.**

**Huge thank you to **Breath-of-twilight **for being an awesome beta and making sense of the messes I send her.**

**I own nothing.**

* * *

><p>Part Three : Confessions of a Wondering Mind<p>

* * *

><p>Chapter 69<p>

After discussing all of our options, we decided to move back to Washington.

After a year and a half in Texas, we really just missed home.

It's ironic and fucked up in a way.

All our lives all we wanted to do was break free from Forks.

It was small. Like microscopic-Mike Newton's-penis-_small_.

Judgmental.

Small minded.

Rainy.

But now we longed for it.

The place we called home our entire lives, because that's what it would always be.

_Home._

Plus, now we were old enough to by our own porn and tell anyone who had an opinion about it to fuck off.

* * *

><p><strong>I have two more pre written chapters. I had them written before my mother passed away. I honestly don't know when I'll be able to writ more SO after those two I'm taking a break until I can write this with no interferance. I hope you understand that. It's only fair to this story and what I saw for it and myself.<strong>

**RG**


	70. Chapter 70

**Huge thank you to **Breath-of-twilight **for being an awesome beta and making sense of the messes I send her.**

**I own nothing.**

* * *

><p>Part Three : Confessions of a Wondering Mind<p>

* * *

><p>Chapter 70<p>

After spending two weeks helping us pack up all our shit, the guys decided to drive it all up to Washington while Ang and I squared away all the final things with school and our house.

Quitting school was never something I thought I'd do.

But after finishing all the necessary paper work, it just felt right.

The first book I wrote that Rose published ending up being a huge hit and put my name on the map.

Surprisingly, I was an in demand author thanks to all the neglected horny housewives of the world.

I thank them for making me realize life was not always what we plan or expect.

I never thought my overly horny imagination would lead me to a career doing something I loved.

I should probably send Edward Cullen a gift basket or something…..


	71. Chapter 71

**I thought I had posted this already but fpr what ever reason I didn't... anywho anyone wondering about when I will start updating on a regular basis, hopefully soon. I have started writing again but it's all coming out angsty right now. I have a few one shots in 'developement' that you'll probably get while I get all of that emotion out. Thank you to those of you who are paitently sticking by me!**

**Huge thank you to **Breath-of-twilight **for being an awesome beta and making sense of the messes I send her.**

**I own nothing.**

* * *

><p>Part Three : Confessions of a Wondering Mind<p>

* * *

><p>Chapter 71<p>

"So, let me get this straight you're knocked up, picking up everything and moving to the middle of bumfuck nowhere Washington?" Rose asked when Ang and I met up with her in Los Angeles on our way back up to Washington.

School was done with. Our house was on the market.

It was a lot of unknown right now, but I loved my life.

"Yeah, pretty much," I replied, taking a huge mouthful of blueberry pancakes.

This bitch can eat.

Things have change a lot since high school.

One of the major things was how I saw myself.

And while I did work out more just to keep things in balance, I still loved my food.

"Ooooooh, can I come?" Rose asked enthusiastically. "It's like a Lifetime movie. The only thing that would make this better is if you told me your baby daddy is the fat guy Gary from Teen Mom… Please, oh please bring me!"

I swear… I wonder where I find these people.

"What about your life here?" Ang asked.

"L.A fucking sucks. Seriously, it's time for something new, you know? Plus, I own the company and can work from anywhere. So, let's do it!"

"And for the record, the fat dude from Teen Mom is not my baby daddy….. That would be pretty fucking awesome, though," Ang said seriously.

* * *

><p><strong>The AN at the top was important so I hope you read it.**

**Until next time.**

**RG**


	72. Chapter 72

**Hello there! I know it's been forever and a day since I've updated, but I needed the time away. It has not been a good year for me and I appreciate those of you who understand and stuck by me. Thank you! I have been working on this, but I'm not sure how regularly I'll be posting. I have a few chapters for you ready to go. **

**These are unbeta-ed so please excuse the mistakes I'm sure I've missed.**

**I own nothing, as I'm sure you've noticed my name is not Stephanie Meyer.  
><strong>

* * *

><p>Part Three : Confessions of a Wondering Mind<p>

* * *

><p>CH 72<p>

The road trip from Cali to Washington was thank fucking god over.

Rose and Ang were driving me insane.

Rose wasn't used to driving long distances and would start freaking out after having to sit around for large periods of time.

And Ang had to pee at almost every exit.

Next time I'm just going to get me a fucking plane ticket.

I practically stumbled out of the car and kissed my father's driveway when we arrived.

Pulling up to my father's house was overwhelming.

All I can remember was hating this place so much and running as fast as I fucking could.

I never realized how much I would miss it.

This was home.

Nobody would run me out of where I belonged ever again.

**~*confessions.*~**

After putting all our bags inside my old room we headed to the dinner to grab a bite to eat with the guys.

They waved happily from a booth in the corner.

"Ladies!" Jake yelled practically throwing Ang and I in the booths. Jake warmly greeted our newest addition, "You must me the infamous Rose."

"Sup." She said nodding her head like guys tend to do.

"Welcome Ladies." Emmett added making a grab for Ang and placing her on his lap. "Hey boo."

"Hello there." She said, looking at him oddly but making no move to get off his lap.

Usually Angie would have punched a guy in the dick by now, so as soon as we were in the solitude of my bed room I was going to interrogate the shit out of her.

I wasn't the police chiefs daughter for nothing.

"What can I get for you?" A nasally voice asked breaking me out of my inner monologue.

"This is the best day of my fucking life!" Ang squeals jumping down a bit too enthusiastically on Emmett's lap.

I have a feeling he _too_ thinks this is the best day of his life.

At least judging by his face.

"Look Bella, it's Bicycle Mallory!" Ang said gleefully pointing to a very worn down plastic looking Lauren Mallory.

Time has not been generous.

"Well, I fucking be." I murmured shaking my head.

I guess _nothing_ is a bigger bitch than karma.

* * *

><p><strong>Thoughts?<strong>

**RG**


	73. Chapter 73

So yes, things ARE about to get interesting...

Still unbeta-ed and not mine.

* * *

><p>Part Three : Confessions of a Wondering Mind<p>

* * *

><p>CH 73<p>

Lauren Bicycle Mallory brought us burgers and milkshakes and after carefully inspecting them for any spit or pubes, we chowed down.

I took a huge bite of my burger and nearly spit it back out.

Across the diner with her tongue down a bald fat dude sat Tanya Denali.

The very same Tanya Denali that stalked Sexward to New York.

"Oh my god look Bella, it's that whore Tanya!" Ang shouted, "And she's totally macking on that bald guy!"

Watching her practically devour the guys face was making me sick.

My burger and strawberry shake were about to make a reappearance.

"I thought she was dating your brother Emmy?" Ang innocently asked Emmett.

I knew I loved her for some reason.

"She left him. Turned out she had an Asian fetish and Eddie didn't stand a chance once she discovered China Town in New York City." Em said, shaking his head.

"So, is he seeing anybody?" I asked batting my lashes.

"Nerward is completely unattached and too pussy after that bitch broke him." Em said sadly, "She like, literally ruined him. He's all emo and shit, doesn't talk to anyone. I literally walked in on him listening to The Cure or some shit. It was epically gay."

"Is that so?" Ang asked, looking at me curiously.

"What?" I asked, taking a huge gulp of my milkshake hoping to avoid where I knew this was going.

"I'd say it's about time you went after him." Ang replied, " We're not in high school anymore and we're not the same people we were in high school, I think you should go after him. Get yo' man before some other skanky blonde gold digger cuntwhore gets her claws into him."

"So you like my lil' bro Bells?" Emmett asked me curiously.

"I don't know Emmett. It's been a long time since we knew each other and Ang is right, we're not the same people anymore."

"Bells, what's the one regret you have from high school?"

Fuckers. Why are they making me rehash all this shit?

"What the fuck? All right, I may or may not have had a _little_ crush on him in high school, but that was then! I wasn't his type then, and I'm sure I'm still not his type."

Snorting Emmett added, "Well Bella, I guess you'll never know unless you try."

* * *

><p><strong>Betcha didn't see the Asian fetish thing coming, huh? That's why Tanya found Edward disgusting... :D<strong>

**RG**


	74. Chapter 74

**So this one is short, but i think it's the _most import_ chapter for this story to date. I can't tell you how many people have asked for when Edward was coming back or if this was even going to _BE_ an Edward + Bella fic, well, this is for you!  
><strong>

**Still not mine and unbeta-ed.**

* * *

><p>Part Three : Confessions of a Wondering Mind<p>

* * *

><p>CH 74<p>

As much as I wished they would all just leave the Edward Cullen debacle alone, they did have a point.

I _have_ always wondered what if.

And it's sad, really _really _fucking sad because I barely even knew the dude!

Yeah, we did get a little close towards the end of high school, but how much can you base an opinion about someone from a few conversations?

It shouldn't be enough to compare every man to, but the truth was it did.

God, I was more pathetic than a Justin Bieber fan.

I had him all built up in my mind, I wondered if he could ever really live up to the image I conjured…..

I remind myself that he had, when I got to know him a little bit.

So maybe my bat shit crazy friends had a point…..

"Okay you fuckers, I do believe we have a Cullen to seduce the fuck out of."

* * *

><p><strong>How would <em>YOU<em> seduce our Edward?**

**Can you see it all now? What I've been alluding too this entire time? There was a purpose for everything (:  
><strong>

**RG**


	75. Chapter 75

Hey guys!

Sadly this is not a new chapter, but I've received some messages and what not wondering what the deal was. If you follow me on twitter you know I got a second job at the end of August, so my spare time has been few and far between. It's unfortunate, because when I stared It's Always The Quiet Ones, I had so many ideas. Lately though, when I have had time to write, I just can't get back into it. Due to the time away from writing and how much my personal life has changed since I started it, I just don't know where it's at anymore. I think I've just been changed so much, that the story isn't the same anymore. I kind of just want to scrap it and start from scratch. For now it will stay up, but I'm going to leave it unfinished until I have the time to go through and make a consistent story.

In the meantime, I am writing other projects, probably much smaller stories, that I hope to post soon. I hope you put me on alert and give my new stories a try. You guys all seemed to loved my plus size Bella, and related to her so well, that I have a few other ideas for her.

Hope to see ya soon!

Roslyn


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